Caution: Idiot At Play

Review: Dead Reckoning by Charlaine Harris

2011-12-27T22:27:00.000-05:00

Charlaine Harris is famous for her Sookie Stackhouse series of books that has become so popular, it has taken over HBO with its hit show True Blood. As much as I admire her work and the characters she's created, it pains me to say that the latest book, Dead Reckoning, was a huge disappointment. With no plots or reason to write the book, I felt that she was more pressed to get a book out as fast as she could to appease her eagerly awaiting fans then with trying to create a story worth reading. I have read many fan reviews, both positive and negative, and seen numerous four-star ratings, but I feel that people are just giving these ratings because it’s Charlaine Harris. I wonder if they read the same book I did?

I didn’t feel the hype or excitement I usually get with Charlaine's books, or that feeling of wanting to know more about how things are going to turn out.

Cue Spoilers Here.

All we got from the book is to be Eric married to the Queen of Oklahoma and that the marriage between Eric and Sookie will no longer be valid. Eric kills Victor. Pam falls in love with a woman who dies from leukemia. Sandra Pelt finally gets killed in an anti-climactic way, her dead body thrown into a fairy portal. And Sookie breaks the blood bond with Eric. All of this sounds exciting, right?

It wasn’t. It left me feeling empty with no care for the will happen in the next book or imagination as to how she is going to write. The only time I felt any sort of excitement was at the end of chapter twelve, and that excitement was gone almost as quickly as it arrived! It seems as if Charlaine wants you to not anticipate the next installment to this fascinating series and, as a fan since the beginning, this just makes me sad.

Does this mean that I will not read her next book or watch the show anymore? Of course not. The story of Eric and Bill will keep me on my tippy toes, but at what point do you just stop and look at where the story is going? Are fans to blame for being so impatient with wanting to know what happens next or who Sookie will end up with? I’m not exactly sure but I felt Dead Reckoning was just written fast to get a book on the shelves. I hope the next one makes up for it, spending better time on the characters and their relationships, or I may no longer be reading this series.

Advice For The Duggars

2011-12-02T09:00:00.000-05:00

Sweet Christ, what are they thinking?

So, the other evening I was watching that 19 Kids And Counting show (no, not by choice). While I certainly feel that the Duggar parents suffer from some sort of severe mental disability, I'd like to offer them some help. Well, not them but their oldest son and his wife.

Josh and Anna have just begun their own family and now have two children of their own, Mackynzie and Michael. Given those two names, I assumed they are working on the same naming platform as the Duggars, choosing the letter M as their OCD focal point. After a while, it will become difficult to come up with names starting with M, so I've decided to compile a list.

1) Matthew
2) Maxwell

Number 15 seems to
work for him.

3) McKenna
4) Madelyn
5) Marc
6) Magnolia
7) Mumford
8) Moesha
9) Macadamia
10) Methuselah
11) Mozzarella
12) & 13) Menarch & Maxipad (for twin girls)
14) Merkin
15) Mitchell Musso
16) Maynard
17) Muggle
18) McGuffin
19) Mumm-Ra
20) MILF

I'm aware that having so many children is an undertaking, and it's my hope that with this list, the task of name the children can at least be easier. To Josh and Anna perusing the above baby names, there's no need to thank me. Just knowing that I'm able to make your difficult parenthood even slightly less stressful is thanks enough for me.

Word Up, Daniel Craig

2011-11-30T09:44:00.001-05:00

I really love it when celebrities talk truthfully about other celebrities. Most of the time, a star will gush over someone else, stating “Oh, I love them, they’re so lovely” and we rarely hear anything negative about anyone in Hollywood. How can an entire industry be filled with fantastic people?

But not so with Daniel Craig, who spoke plainly about the Kardashians in a recent interview. And rightly so. As the topic of privacy came up, an ideal that Craig holds dearly, Daniel Craig described the Kardashians as “fucking idiots”.

"Look at the Kardashians, they're worth millions," he continued. "I don't think they were that badly off to begin with but now look at them. You see that and you think 'what, you mean all I have to do is behave like a fucking idiot on television and then you'll pay me millions?'“

Daniel Craig couldn’t be speaking more truthfully. The Kardashians have become famous for…what exactly? Being related to Robert Kardashian, who represented OJ Simpson in his murder case and was able to get the football star acquitted? No. No one paid any attention to the man during that time, up until his death in 2003. Meanwhile, his ex-wife and kids have a reality television show on E!, and selling wedding photos to the tabloids for millions of dollars.

Honestly, good for them. They’re able to make money by just living their lives. However, they need to realize that there’s no going back from that. Everyone has already seen you at home, in your living room, in your bedroom. We’ve witnessed you getting arrested for a DUI on your way home from the club. We’ve seen you sex tape. Kourtney Kardashian is even going so far as to start a ‘Mommy Blog’ (because I'd take child-rearing tips from a Kardashian since they did such a bang-up job). And the longer you go on with this desire to be in the public eye, the harder it will be for you to withdraw.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not defending the Kardashians. I want them to go away. I even signed the petition to get E! to cancel Keeping Up With the Kardashians and the legions of other shows it’s spawned. While I’m completely aware that it would be completely useless and they will remain on the air for as long as those shows make money, but it still felt good to do it.

While Daniel Craig did point out the Kardashians in his interview, it’s clear that these aren’t the only people he’s annoyed with. Craig knows that his comments won’t be well accepted, and makes a clear reference to the Jersey Shore and Real Housewives of New Jersey when he says “I'm probably going to get visited by people from New Jersey”.

Don’t worry, Dan. Not everyone from New Jersey is an attention whore. We got your back.

SyFy To Make Booster Gold... What Could Go Wrong?

2011-11-28T08:30:00.000-05:00

Show your
Booster Gold pride!

Last week, comic book fans were treated to the news that SyFy, the cable channel that used to be SciFi which stood for Science Fiction and made sense at some point, has ordered a pilot for a series based on the DC Comics hero, Booster Gold. I'm mostly torn on this news. While it's a good thing that comic characters are getting more exposure, it's still SyFy.

While SyFy (God, how I hate typing that) do have a real respect for their material, they don't always get things right. They have a few hit shows, like Ghost Hunters, which has rapidly declined in years, Alphas, an otiginal show about super-humans which has just been renewed for a second season, and a remake of the BBC show, Being Human, but most of what they air is trite and nonsensical.

Let's be honest though. SyFy is the channel that tried to ride the wave of popularity of the History Channel show, Ice Road Truckers, by developing a movie called Ice Road Terror. Pair this with Sharktopus, Monster Ark, and Alien Apocalypse (whose only saving grace is Bruce Campbell) and it's clear they have a terrible track record for original programming.

Now I'm willing to concede that their serial programming is far more tolerable than their films. Maybe this has something to do with the costs of producing long-standing shows versus one-off movies. It's easy to drop $200,000 and shit out a 2-hour movie that can make $75,000 on advertising in one showing. But they might be a little more cautious in producing a 13-episode serial drama. Or, at least, I'm hoping they are.
But SyFy's involvement not-with-standing, costumed superhero movies just may not be en vouge. Look at David E. Kelley's Wonder Woman pilot from a few months back. First, you have Kelley, who has a great track recors in television, with The Practice and Ally McBeal. Wonder Woman is a well-known superhero with a built-in fan base, yet NBC passed on the pilot. Why?

Theories maintain Lynda
Carter hexed Palicki before
filming.

Well, all reports said the Wonder Woman pilot was just balls-out terrible. Not having seen it, I can't comment. But with big-name stars like Adrianne Palicki, Elizabeth Hurley and Cary Elwes, I have to point my finger at Kelley's writing. Most often, writers feel that they "get" the character, take control, and place them into scenes or situations that they feel relate best to superheroes. They lose sight that these superheroes work best when they're not super at all, but when they're most vulnerable.

Which brings me to my main point. If the writers SyFy hires for Booster Gold are any good, then the show could be real fun. Booster Gold is an arrogant dick, but he's got a good heart. A character like that can make a real fun show, provided he's placed in the right situations. If all we get is a superhero show just for the sake of cashing in on superheroes, then it will surely tank at the outset.

Not only would the writers have to understand the character but the actor as well. Like I said, Booster is extremely arrogant, so the smugness would be the key. I'd hate to say it, but someone like Charlie Sheen would be perfect. It's just a shame Sheen is too old and crack-emaciated to fit the look.

In the right hands, Booster Gold could be a good show. While I don't think the fanbase is there right off, a well written, well produced, well acted serial dramedy could grow it's own fanbase, and hopefully its audience would eventually seek out the source material, which would be a major boon to the comics industry. My biggest fear, though, and what is most likely to happen, is SyFy will hire a few amateur writers who'll read a couple issues of 52 and think they have what it takes to write the ultimate Booster Gold pilot. Something in me believes that Booster Gold will make Wonder Woman look like Citizen Kane in comparison.

Stop Black Friday?

2011-11-25T11:16:00.001-05:00

Madness. (Image courtesy SheFinds.com)

So my old boss, who ironically is a manager in a retail store, sent me the link to Stop Black Friday. While I haven't spent too much time on the site, I took a quick look at it and I'm just flabbergasted at people's ignorance of the way big businesses operate.

Exactly like my feelings about the Occupy Wall Street Movement, I completely understand people's desire to boycott the big box stores. And for the most part, their logic behind the movement is sound. However, they are waging war without understanding the enemy well enough.

Yes, boycotting a store during the time they will make the most sales and pull in the most money will affect their bottom line. If the public can prevent a company from coming out of the red, that company will stand up and take notice. However, they will also fight back. See, what most people don't realize is that these corporations run by the 1% do not run businesses the way the government runs the public sector. The private sector will not maintain a losing status quo.

Scratch that. The private sector will not maintain a status quo that's even perceived as possibly losing. If there is even a hint that a business model will lose money, then the corporation will react. So if the public decides to boycott Walmart or Target or any of the others, who do you think will really suffer?

Their employees.

If Black Friday does not prove to be profitable, the lay-offs begin. People will start losing their jobs. And if that doesn't help to recoup the lost revenue from a shitty holiday season, then the corporation will look for other ways to cut costs. Like freeze cost-of-living wage increases, so employees won't even be getting their meager 15¢ per hour raise. Then they will pull whatever other benefits the employees get, like a retirement fund or a 401K match. Yes, some retail establishments do offer these perks. Or at least they did up until the economic downturn of a few years ago. And those that still do will stop.

I've been through all of this. I've worked for a company that took away raises and benefits. I went through it all, even getting laid off. What's more, a year after I lost my job, the company closed down the location I worked in, putting everyone in the store out of work.

You want to organize your boycotts of big business, go ahead. I won't stop you; I'm not even mad at you. However, when your plans don't go the way you want, and people you know begin losing their jobs, then you really can't blame the big businesses. They're only doing what you are doing; trying to survive.

Is it right? Not at all. Do I have any better ideas? No. But I do know that attacking the people that control so many jobs is not the best way to go. My recommendation would be to reduce the number of taxes these corporate and industrial entities pay, and to provide incentives to bring jobs back to America. I know that I'll be flamed for the idea that these businesses should pay less taxes, but I realize that one of the few ways to turn around our economic instability is to inflate the job market. We won't get that if we chase these companies away.

Face it. The Waltons can close down every single Walmart store worldwide, cease production of all goods and services, and still live like kings off of what they've already made. But where does that leave the millions of people they employ? In the lurch, fighting for the minute number of jobs that are available.

Should we still Stop Black Friday?

Happy Thanksgiving!

2011-11-24T08:00:00.000-05:00

Image of deliciousness courtesy
WhatsCookingAmerica.net

Here at Caution: Idiot At Play, we love our holidays. It's a chance to take a break from our busy lives and spend some time with our families. Plus, we get to celebrate with a day away from our soul-sucking day-jobs. My plan today was to put together a Thanksgiving-themed post, but after wracking my brain, I couldn't come up with the right topic.

If you are a frequent visitor, you'll know about our Halloween posts, showcasing some amazing Jack-O-Lantern art. That's a pretty easy idea right there. But what can I do about Thanksgiving?

I could rehash the history of Thanksgiving, about the Pilgrims and the Native Americans and the way they put their differences aside and came together in harmony for a huge feast. But since the next day, the Pilgrims spread their smallpox to the Natives and stole their land once they were nearly decimated, I decided to pass on that idea.

Then I figured I could do something concerning the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, showing off the balloons that have taken part throughout the years. In all honesty, though I didn't have the time to research that, so maybe I'll put that in my back pocket for the future.

I had the idea to compile some delicious recipes, maybe even show a few videos of the Food Network chefs making delicious Thanksgiving dishes. But that just seemed kind of trite.

Since I just couldn't seem to narrow down what I want to do in this post, I figure I'll just do all three.

So, here's the History of Thanksgiving, courtesy of the History Channel...

...the Spider-Man balloon, floating through Manhattan...

...and Alton Brown fries a turkey, in three parts.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Is The Occupy Movement Over Yet?

2011-11-16T18:53:00.001-05:00

Because it needs to be. This crap has been going on since September and will continue, yet it won't accomplish anything.

Look, I get that people are mad. The widening difference between the upper and lower classes and the erasure of the middle class is cause for alarm. This country certainly needs business and tax reform. But that's never going to come around from camping out in parks for months on end. What sort of dialogue has come out of Occupy Wall Street?

"The rich are too rich!"
"OK."
"We need change!"
"What do you propose we do?"
"... The rich are too rich!"

Has there been any conversations besides that?

Some would say that the Occupy movement has been able to get people talking about business reform. I couldn't disagree more. The Occupy movement is self-perpetuating; no one is talking about reform. They're talking about the protests. I had a short debate on Twitter recently with someone who supports the Occupy movement. We clearly differed in opinions, and I asked her what propositions are being put forth the change the system as all I've been hearing are the whinings of a spoiled public. She provided me with two links to ideas that were conceived over a year ago. This crisis has been staring us in the face for years. The ideals that the Occupy movement are cowing about were predicted and written about by Donald Trump and Robert Kiyosaki more than 5 years ago. No one listened then, including the protesters of the Occupy movement.

Yes, Big Business is greedy and are taking advantage of the people. Yes, government officials are no longer working in the best interests of the people who've put them in office because Big Business contributes to their campaign funds. Can this change? Yes, it can. Will it? Not by taking the track the Occupy movement have been.

The Occupy movement will have you believe that they are working hard to change things. I don't see hard work. If they want to affect change, they should be taking the battle to the politicians. Get inside the system and change it from the inside. Did we not just pass an election? Has anything changed? Not in New Jersey it hasn't, as most of the incumbents were reelected. Where's the change?

It reminds me of that Breckin Meyer movie, Blue State. Meyer's character moves to Canada because Bush wins the presidency, realizes he made a ridiculously rash decision, so moves back to America to become a politician himself, and actually work to the change he wanted. These protestors aren't working.

I know that Frank Miller is now the most hated man in the comic book industry because of his reaction to the Occupy movement, but he has a point, albeit a poorly worded, unnecessarily austere point. It's hard to take a group of people in designer clothes using expensive consumer tech as they bray on about income inequality. You gonna post a video to YouTube from the rally from your $500 iPhone? Yeah, you're needy.

I would like to see income equality as much as any one of these people. I'm scared to death that I won't be able to buy a house, raise a family, and retire comfortably. Going by my current status, that won't happen. But what I do realize is that standing around a park yelling at a bunch of tall buildings won't change that.
Stop hiding behind your freedom of speech. Yes, Bill Of Rights. You can say what you want. But how about doing something instead? You want to affect real change? Get into the political game and change it from the inside!

Fifty Two...

2011-11-14T09:46:00.001-05:00

What does the number "52" mean to me? That's the number of books I read in 2011!

Earlier in the year, I noticed that Goodreads was promoting a Reading Challenge, where Goodreads members stating the number of books they will read during the year. Some people pledged to read a ridiculously low amount of books, (like 5, who can't read 5 books in a year?) while others went with an overblown number (150? Impossible).

I decided on the number 52, to average one book a week. In the beginning of the year, I was blowing through books, two to three a week. It got to the point that I really needed to slow down because my brain couldn't take anymore.

But I'm proud to say that as of yesterday, November 13, my goal has been hit. With A Game of Thrones: A Song Of Ice and Fire, I have completed my 52 books for 2011. And I'm probably done with reading for the year.

Will I be doing this again next year? Probably not. Most of the books I read I didn't get the chance to enjoy because I wanted to get through them as a +1. I think come 2012, I'll scale myself back so that I can enjoy reading again. That's not to say I'm not proud of my accomplishment; just that I won't be marathon-reading again any time soon. (Is there a way to raise money for charity through reading? If so, I'd probably do that.)

In case you're interested, below is the list of the 52 books I read, with links to Amazon if you're interested in reading any of them.

A Game of Thrones (A Song of Ice and Fire, #1) - George R.R. Martin
Seizure - Kathy Reichs
No Dominion (Joe Pitt, #2) - Charlie Huston
Sweets: A New Orleans Crime Story - Kody Chamberlain
Alias Vol. 1 - Brian Michael Bendis
Why We Want You to be Rich: Two Men - One Message - Donald J. Trump & Robert Kiyosaki
Guilty Pleasures (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #1) - Laurell K. Hamilton
The Fire Inside (Sidekicks, #1) - Raymond Rose
A Princess of Mars - Edgar Rice Burroughs
Badass: The Birth of a Legend: Spine-Crushing Tales of the Most Merciless Gods, Monsters, Heroes, Villains, and Mythical Creatures Ever Envisioned - Ben Thompson
Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex - Mary Roach
Mercury Rises - Robert Kroese
Vs. Reality - Blake Northcott
Dollars & Sense: The Definitive Guide to Self-publishing Success - Carolyn McCray
Plot & Structure - Write Great Fiction - James Scott Bell
Essential Moon Knight, Vol. 1 - Doug Moench
The DC Comics Guide to Writing Comics - Dennis O'Neil
Fight Club - Chuck Palahniuk
Casino Royale - Ian Fleming
Dexter in the Dark (Dexter, #3) - Jeff Lindsay
Simple Simon - Ryne Douglas Pearson
Already Dead (Joe Pitt, #1) - Charlie Huston
Write Good or Die - Scott Nicholson
Young Junius - Seth Harwood
Dearly Devoted Dexter (Dexter, #2) - Jeff Lindsay
The Graveyard Book - Neil Gaiman
The Mephisto Club (Jane Rizzoli & Maura Isles, #6) - Tess Gerritsen
American Psycho - Bret Easton Ellis
PLUTO 001 - Naoki Urasawa
Anansi Boys - Neil Gaiman
Carved in Bone (Body Farm, #1) - Jefferson Bass
Novelist's Boot Camp: 101 Ways to Take Your Book From Boring to Bestseller - Todd A. Stone
Achewood: The Great Outdoor Fight - Chris Onstad
Thank You for Smoking - Christopher Buckley
The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
The Inner Circle - Brad Meltzer
Go-Go Girls of the Apocalypse - Victor Gischler
Self-Publish Your Novel: Lessons from an Indie Publishing Success Story - Robert Kroese
Vanish (Jane Rizzoli & Maura Isles, #5) - Tess Gerritsen
World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War - Max Brooks
Body Double (Jane Rizzoli & Maura Isles, #4) - Tess Gerritsen
The Sinner (Jane Rizzoli & Maura Isles, #3) - Tess Gerritsen
Anybody Can Write: A Playful Approach - Jean Bryant
I am Number Four (Lorien Legacies, #1) - Pittacus Lore
Anathem - Neal Stephenson
Boomsday - Christopher Buckley
Grimspace (Sirantha Jax, #1) - Ann Aguirre
Start Late, Finish Rich: A No-Fail Plan for Achieving Financial Freedom at Any Age - David Bach
Rich Dad's Advisors®: The ABC's of Getting Out of Debt: Turn Bad Debt into Good Debt and Bad Credit into Good Credit - Garrett Sutton
The Millionaire Next Door - Thomas J. Stanley
The Black Dahlia (L.A. Quartet #1) - James Ellroy
Bottomfeeder: A Novel - Bob Fingerman

Green Lantern: The Animated Series

2011-11-12T00:54:00.001-05:00

In Brightest Day, In Crappiest 3D Animation...

Admittedly, I wasn't very impressed with the commercials for the new Green Lantern: The Animated Series on Cartoon Network. Over the years, DC Comics and Warner Brothers have given us plenty of animated shows with more attractive animation styles, like the dark seriousness of Batman: The Animated Series, the quirky J-Pop style of Teen Titans, and the realistic yet playful Young Justice. What use do we need with a Green Lantern cartoon done up in a 3D rendered style? Not much if you asked me.

Putting my prejudices aside, I tuned in to the one-hour premiere earlier tonight (mostly by chance as I managed to catch it just in time) and I have to say I'm happy I did.

It's really no surprise that Green Lantern would get his own show, given the recent release of the movie. Though the movie wasn't received all that well by fans of the comic, it did make a buttload of money, and no doubt WB wants to ride that wave of popularity for whatever it can. Not to mention the relaunch of the DC Universe included 4 main Lantern themed books, as well as Hal Jordan showing up in other titles. Green Lantern is doing well, so Cartoon Network is happy to fan the flames.

I was willing to give the show a chance because I had high hopes for the writing. I'm glad to say I wasn’t disappointed on that front. At the beginning of the episode, Hal is already a Green Lantern, and well-versed in the use of his abilities, which I liked because it meant that they didn't have to rehash the same old origin story. (It probably helps to sell some DVDs as well, since the series seems to fit in nicely with the movie.)

I like that the Red Lanterns are the villains, though
they now vomit "energy" instead of blood.

The choice of villains is strange to me. Having the Green Lanterns square off against the Red Lanterns is a pretty ballsy move on WBs part. Seeing as how the Red Lanterns are the embodiment of rage, intent on killing, they would have to tone down their bloodlust quite a bit to make them more family-friendly, which they did well enough. But I was a little shocked that they held dear to the Red Lantern's core ideals and actually killed a couple of Green Lanterns. And there's no question about that. Though there was no on-screen, blood-filled death, the characters definitely died. Kudos to that.

I'm still not sold on Hal Jordan's new personality. Clearly DC is trying to make him more jocular and light-hearted, as opposed to the staunch heroics of the Hal Jordan of old. Ryan Reynolds epitomized the nu-Jordan in the movie, and even Geoff Johns gave Gal this new personality in the JLA reboot. But to do this, they've had to take Hal Jordan's confidence, and mix in Kyle Rayner's levity, while adding a pinch of the Guy Gardner arrogance. It works in a lot of ways, but it's not what I'm used to. I'm still willing to over look this as, so far, Hal has been a fairly strong character.

I still don't like the animation. It seemed like they are trying to emulate the style of Star Wars: The Clone Wars. But GL doesn't have the same texture or detail that Clone Wars has so it just comes off looking clunky and dated, like the old Reboot show from the 90s.

Overall, I'm happy with Green Lantern: The Animated Series. The writing is on par with what I expected, maybe even a little better. I really wish the producers had put a little more effort into the animation, but it was fluid enough to at least be shrugged off and accepted. I'll certainly be tuning in for at least another couple of episodes. I'm definitely willing to stick around for more on Atrocitus and the Red Lanterns. Hopefully there'll be an appearance by Dex-Starr in the future. It'll be worth it for that alone.

...In Which I Discuss A Strange Fascination With The Power Rangers

2011-11-07T22:35:00.000-05:00

One day back in 1993, I stayed home sick from school. That day just so happened to be the day Mighty Morphin Power Rangers premiered on Fox 5. Having nothing better to do that lay in bed and drink ginger ale, I tuned in, despite having turned my nose up at the show throughout the endless promotions I had to endure while watching my other favorite cartoons. From the beginning, I became infatuated with the show, rarely missing an episode.

The Megazord protects my
TV from would-be thieves

“Infatuation” is probably a good way to describe it. I watched the show endlessly, going so far as to record them and create my own little box sets of story-arcs, complete with box art and all. I played the video games, the SNES game much more fun than one would expect. I had the toys. Hell, I still have the Megazord, standing stalwartly next to my television.

So when I heard that Mighty Morphin Power Rangers were coming to Netflix a few months back, I was stoked. It was quite irritating that the premier season of the Power Rangers was never released on DVD. I would have bought that shit with the quickness. But to have it available instantly streaming on Netflix was an acceptable second prize.

I spent hours upon hours watching the show, powering my way through 3 seasons and over a hundred episodes in the span of two weeks. There were so many episodes that even I thought I’d be fed up with it, hearing all of the corny one-liners and bad dialogue. But no. I needed more. So I moved on to Power Rangers Zeo. By the end of that I moved on to Power Rangers Turbo. This is when my resolve started to falter, especially with the inclusion of a 12 year old kid in the show. (Seriously, what high schoolers would hang out with a 12-year-old? That’s just fucking weird.)

After Turbo, the series is just bad. But for some reason I continue to watch. I think I’ve just gotten to the point where if I make it to the end, I can use it as some sort of bragging right. (Though who would brag about that…)

Without a doubt the most
badass Ranger ever

I’m currently stuck in the middle of Power Rangers Lightspeed Rescue, which is slightly more watchable than Power Rangers Lost Galaxy. Although, based on what I’ve read on Wikipedia, I’m kinda looking forward to Dino Thunder, and the return of Jason David Frank.

Also, with this news coming out of Korea, Mystic Force may be cool. I mean, it was inspirational enough for a video game developer to produce an MMO based on the season, so it must have some intrinsic value.

Eh, who am I kidding? Power Rangers has absolutely no intrinsic value. But I’ve never been someone to apologize for enjoying things. I have fun watching Power Rangers (well, had fun) so I think I’ll continue to do so.

Also, it is interesting to note this peculiar relationship. It would seem that the concept that works in Power Rangers was developed during the Japanese live-action Spider-Man show. I don't know how... I don't care how. But awesome.

ThunderCats... HOOO!

2011-11-03T00:32:00.004-04:00

Anyone who knows me knows how much I like ThunderCats. Having watched the showgrowing up in the 80s, ThunderCatshas to be one of my favorite animated shows, right up there with Teenage MutantNinja Turtles and the 90s X-Men cartoon. So when I heard about the new cartoonshowing on Cartoon Network, I was all over it.

OK. I understand that the new ThunderCats is old news bynow, having been on the air for a couple of months right now. But honestly, Ican’t get over how good it is. This past Friday, the show featured the Berbils,the robot-bear race of creatures from the ThunderCats, and the episode wasfantastic. Though it did nothing to add to the characterization of the maincast, and probably only marginally added to the overall plot of the story(though I wouldn’t put it past the writers to make the Berbils a majorplot-point in the resolution of the season) the episode was just downright funto watch.

It also gets to me every time I walk into a Toys R Us, orsaunter down the toy aisle at Wal-Mart. I already had a Lion-O, but I was luckyenough to snag a Panthro and Cheetara for my collection wall, being completelyshocked to see more than Lion-O, Mumm-Ra, and Tygra on the pegs. (They also hadWilykit and Wilykat, but I didn’t have enough cash on hand to pick them up.Hopefully, I’ll see them again eventually so that I don’t wind up regretting notgetting them when I have the chance.)

Panthro

Lion-O

Cheetara

What I really want, though, is the Sword of Omens. Beingcomprised on multiple gimmicks popularized by a variety of toys, the Sword ofOmens features a telescoping blade, a la the Star Wars lightsabers, to recreatethe blade enhancing feature of the cartoon. The sword and has flip-up blades onthe side and a light-up feature in the center jewel, mimicking Lion-O’s “sightbeyond sight”. Add to the mix sword-clashing sound effects and you got themakings of a great child’s toy (shut up, don’t judge me).

I’m really hoping that Bandai doesn’t miss the boat and notmake a Snarf plush toy. Having been the worst part of the ThunderCats from the80s, Snarf’s updated personality as a cognizant pet makes the character muchmore enjoyable. He tends to do some adorable things in the show, so a plush toywould certainly be a draw. I don’t personally know if I’d buy a plushie, but I’veno doubt that it would be a cash-cow for Bandai. (I did search for one onlinebefore typing this up, but this was all I could find. At $150, I doubt it’sofficially licensed, though.) I mean, come on. You can’t look at this Snarf plush and tell me a new one wouldn’t be a good idea.

As I was looking for information concerning a plush Snarf(to guarantee I wasn’t hoping for something that wasn’t already a reality. I did find this, but at $150, I doubt it's officially licensed.), Icame across these awesome character spec sheets. These images show theThunderCats in a variety of poses and are used by the animators to work outdifferent details of the characters. While these have probably been posted allover the place already, they’re still pretty cool.

Image source - IGN; ThunderCats © Warner Bros

Happy Halloween!

2011-10-31T08:00:00.000-04:00

It's Halloween again, and what better way to celebrate than with the original 1984 trailer for Ghostbusters?

(It's a good thing trailer-making has come a long way since then.)

Or how about the trailer for Ghostbusters II?

Or, just for shits and giggles, a video from the Halloween Special episode of the Real Ghostbusters, featuring a Halloween song-and-dance?

Enjoy!

Halloween Treats!

2011-10-30T11:40:00.001-04:00

What's Halloween without Jack O'Lanterns? If you've visited this blog before, you've probably noticed that we showcase the best carved pumpkins we can find. But more than just showing off other people's pumpkins, Lauren and I like to carve our own. This year, our pumpkins came out so good that we are excited to show them off to you.

First up, Lauren made this cute little Adipose pumpkin. Adipose is a thing from Doctor Who, which Lauren is infatuated with as of late. She thinks her pumpkin looks bad, but I disagree. I think she did a good job, especially compared to mine.

Lauren's Adipose pumpkin

I carve out Jack Skellington's face. The main character from The Nightmare Before Christmas, Jack's face was fairly easy to do, with the mouth being the most time consuming. Though it was pretty easy, I'm still proud of it.

Michael's Jack Skellington pumpkin

Lauren also spent some time making this awesome graveyard brownie cake for her job's Halloween party. The brownie was an easy, out-of-the-box brownie mix, but she decorated it awesomely. The gravestones are made from mini-Hershey bars, and the piled-up dirt is crushed Oreo cookies. Lauren rounded out the design with little pretzel sticks for a fence and little pumpkin candies.

Delicious graveyard brownie... At least it looks delicious.

So, how did it taste, you ask? I have no idea. I didn't get any. Which is good, because it means that Lauren's creation was a major hit at the Halloween party. I just hope she makes another one soon so I can try it.

The Fire Inside - A Book Review

2011-10-28T09:00:00.000-04:00

An exemplary superhero story

I’m a sucker for superhero stories. So when I heard about The Fire Inside by Raymond M. Rose, Iwas excited to read it.

The first book in Rose’s Sidekicks series, The Fire Inside focuses on Jack King, anex-superhero who is happy with his retirement from saving the world from a hostof super villains. That is, until his best friend and ex-partner is killedmysteriously and Jack gets pulled back into the game. Rose does a nice job ofestablishing his characters identities, both as superheroes and civilians. Theworld has changed in the ten years since the event that caused most of thesuperheroes to hang up their tights, but Rose manages to keep it exciting byflashing back and forth between then and now. Little by little, characters arerevealed as they become integral to the plot, which prevents the book frombeing weighed down by to many names and faces from the start.

The overall plot of the novel is unexpected. For a storybased on superheroes, Rose chose to not concentrate on some over-blown plan totake over/destroy/enslave the world. Though there is evil for evil’s sake, Rosegives his villains a purpose, taking theidea of super-powered beings and placing them into a well-thought-out drama ofpolitical espionage. The story retains what I enjoy about superhero stories,like the awesome powers, colorful characters, and tongue-in-cheek repartee, butbecomes believable.

Unfortunately, TheFire Inside is not perfect. Quite a bit of the dialogue is overly cheesy,the kind of thing that would make Adam West roll his eyes. The most distractingpart of the book is the number of typos. As a self-published novel, one wouldexpect a few misspellings or incorrect tense usage to slip into the finishedproduct. However, The Fire Inside hasmore than just a few. But every writer learns from their mistake, and it's certain that Rose will be more cognizant of his mistakes in future novels.

Despite the novel’s setbacks, I would totally recommend The Fire Inside to anyone who enjoys a goodsuperhero story. As the first part of a ten-book series (as Rose has stated hisSidekicks series is planned to be),there is a lot of room for improvement. If Rose is able to make his cast ofcharacters this exciting in the very beginning, I can’t wait to see what he hasin store as they begin to evolve.

THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE HAS STARTED!!

2011-10-26T22:54:00.002-04:00

Oh. No, wait. It was just the annual Zombie Walk at Asbury Park this past weekend. With blood on the streets, screams in the air, skin peeling off faces, rolling eyes, occasional drooling, and slow walks, who wouldn’t want to be a part of this awesome experience. And should you have missed it or were too scared to join us, let me help to recap some of the highlights that I thought were pretty cool.

To start off, I want to say Thank You to all of the locals who welcomed us with signs around the area and discounted deals in their stores. You guys rock!

The Welcoming Demon

Now back to the walk. The day was pretty chilly, especially by the water on the boardwalk, but that didn’t stop the diehard zombie fans from wearing whatever they wanted. Dedication would be one of the words that I would use to describe some of the ripped, dirty and rundown costumes that I saw. To give you an idea, I snapped a few shots of the ones that I categorized as being creepy, creative, adorable and gooey, which you can see labeled below.

Before the walk even started, they had a Thriller dance that was done by zombie volunteers who actually took lessons starting in September. If you’re interested in joining them, I would recommend checking them out for next year. Inside the Paramount Theater was a set-up of the Undead Festival, where you could meet with famous zombie writers and artists, professional make-up artists that could do a zombie look for you for a small fee, and lots of vendors.

The walk started at 5 PM, with mobs of people on both sides trying to snap pictures, the walking dead crew filming some action shots and professional photographers galore. It seriously did look like the dead had awakened and were walking through town. At this point my feet weren’t hurting too bad. It was the walk back when my feet were killing me! Yes, my feet hurt but what can a girl do? When it goes with the outfit, it goes with the outfit.

'Gimme gimme gimme!'

Once we completed the walk, we gathered around a small stage where the organizers were giving away books, gift cards, coupons, The Walking Dead action figures, shirts, “prescription” sugar pills, and recyclable bags. I was lucky enough to get a free book and a gift card to Sideshow Collectibles. I want to thank the G.I. Joe zombie girl who pushed her way to get to the front and got nothing. Just an FYI…saying “I’m sorry” after every time you push someone doesn’t mean it’s OK to continue to do it!

Bagpipe zombie family

After all the free stuff was gone, they had one more Thriller dance and the show was over. Some zombies stayed around the area while others headed home. We went back to the boardwalk and had dinner at a place called Metro, which I would recommend as a place to eat should you visit Asbury Park.

So will I go back for another year of the gore, screams, and my feet crying out in pain? The answer is…YES! Not every day can your scream out BRAINS and not get looked at like you’re crazy.

Brains… brains… BRAINS!

How NOT to be a
zombie

Creepy-ass Clown zombie

Damn shame what they did to that dog

Awesome zombie-job

Cute little Dorothy zombie

TWO creative zombie costumes

Melty face zombie

Scarecrow zombie

Gooey zombie stew

Me outside Paranormal NJ, a cool
occult book store in Asbury Park, NJ

The Sexy Armpit Halloween Special 2011

2011-10-25T15:17:00.002-04:00

A couple of weeks back, Jay from The Sexy Armpit asked me to be a part of his new project; a series of web videos. After a week and a half of strenuous filming and hardcore special effects work (not really), the Halloween Special is complete. And, for your viewing pleasure, here it is!

Creating this video with Jay was a blast! Not only did we have a lot of fun making up, with his killer edits the final product came out great. I also got the chance to visit a really cool store down in Asbury Park, NJ. Paranormal NJ has a ton of great books, supplies, and other shit related to the occult. There's also a Paranormal museum in the back of the store, though I didn't get the chance to go through it. If you're in the area, check it out.

And be sure to keep your eyes peeled for future videos from Jay and me. We're aiming to make about one a month, so we should have a new one fairly soon.

Thanks for watching!

Why Batman Shouldn't Be In A JLA Movie

2011-10-21T09:00:00.000-04:00

Jay from The Sexy Armpit and I were discussing the new Avengers trailer the other day, wondering why DC and Warner Brothers didn't take the same route as Marvel, using individual character movies to introduce a full-fledged JLA movie. Jay stated that DC was always weird when it came to Batman, not wanting to pair him with another hero and having him share the spotlight. Thinking about this for a moment, I feel DC and Warner are right to not include Batman in a JLA film.

Art by Brad Green

Batman is the kind of character that needs to be in control. The loss of his parents at a young age would have caused such a deep seated psychological trauma, proving to himself that he has no control over life. The young, scarred Bruce Wayne would go out of his way to prove this belief incorrect by immersing himself into as many different things as possible and pushing his body and his mind to their limits. Most of his career was spent as a solitary soldier against evil, with only some behind-the-curtain assistance from Alfred, his family's oldest and most trusted employee. He didn't enter into a more public partnership until he met Dick Grayson, whom he molded into his partner, Robin.

That's the main point here. Batman did not form a partnership until he was able to control their learning.

Every sidekick Batman has ever had has been taught closely by Batman himself. He knows how they think, showing them how to react to situations. In a battle, Batman is confident that they have the skills necessary to provide support. But, in a team setting like the JLA, Batman doesn't have those guarantees.

Granted, the JLA is comprised of DC's most powerful and talented heroes. They have so many different skills and knowledge-bases to take on whatever they need to. I'm sure Batman trusts their abilities, but does he trust them to make the right decisions?

For someone like Batman, I wouldn't think so. Batman would know the way his teammates thinking, putting in the time to study their past actions. But his teammates wouldn't be so studious and wary of the other JLA members. Batman would understand their psyches, but they wouldn't understand him. This would prevent him from joining a team like the JLA.

I'm well aware that Batman has been a member of almost every JLA team in the DC Universe. However, this is mostly a ploy to sell the series. Would the JLA be interesting without Batman? Absolutely. Would it sell as well? Probably not. Despite the fact that Batman is a full-fledged member of the JLA, judging by his psychosis and trust issues, were he real, his being a member of a team is completely unbelievable. Sure, Batman can be a team player, when he's in control. With the JLA, Batman needs to relinquish much of that control, which I doubt he would be comfortable with.

Review - Mercury Rises

2011-10-18T08:29:00.002-04:00

Mercury is up to his old
tricks in "Mercury Rises"

A few short years ago, Robert Kroese self-published his book, Mercury Falls. Though it took a little time and a lot of effort on Kroese's part, it became a breakaway hit, garnering the attention of Amazon Encore, who later published it under their banner. Today, Kroese revisits his eccentric characters in the follow up book, Mercury Rises.

In Mercury Rises, Kroese gives us a little insight into the past of his titular character, Mercury. An angel who doesn't quite feel up to snuff to perform angelic duties, Mercury is paired with the Babylonian goddess, Tiamat, and tasked to keep an eye on her and her plan to expand the kingdom of Babylon.

The glimpese of Mercury's past are interspersed with events happening currently, in which Christine Temetri, who helped Mercury to stop the Apocalypse in Falls, gets tangles tangled in yet another plot to destroy the world. Only this time, the bringer of the Apocalypse is billionaire media-mogul Horace Finch. Rises also introduces a new character, FBI agent Jacob Slater, who managed to get himself mixed up in the end-of-the-world plot in much the same way as Christine; completely by accident.

Mercury Rises features much of the same tongue-in0cheek humor that Kroese exhibited in the first novel. Mercury continues to make his droll remarks concerning his cohorts and his situations, which, in themselves, are outrageously hilarious. One particular situation that springs to mind involves a naked, drunk Noah (yes, that Noah) and a rather lurid puppet show. So many times I had to explain to my fiancee exactly why I suddenly broke out into a deep belly-laugh that I had to start reading in the other room.

As the second book in a proposed trilogy, Mercury Rises stands alone quite well. Granted, it would be in readers' best interests to read Falls first, if for no other reason than as a source of amusement. But Rises holds a well-told story that isn't too continuity-heavy. Mercury Rises is for anyone who is a fan of religious fiction that doesn't take itself too seriously. Or, I should say, "at all seriously". If you enjoyed Mercury Falls, or if you have a sense of humor, then Mercury Rises is a must. I cannot wait for the final book in the series and the further adventures of Christine and Mercury.

Mercury Rises is available beginning today, in both paperback or as an e-book. For an added bonus, there is a short-story available for free, called Mercury Swings. While you're over at Amazon picking up Mercury Rises, you may as well toss Swings in your cart as well. Like I said, it's free.

NYCC: A Whovian In New York

2011-10-17T19:36:00.001-04:00

A Tardis! I didn't get it,
but I want it!

This past Friday, Michael and I traveled into New York City to visit the New York Comic Con. This is the second year we attended and, at first, I really wasn't too happy, mostly because my feet starting hurting by the time we got there and we had to walk ALL THE WAY around the building to get on line. We waited there for about a half an hour until they opened the doors then, of course, we had to walk ALL THE WAY around the building to get in. To top it off, some girl in front of us almost hit me in the eye with her pink, paper sword, so I wasn't too happy about that. Needless to say, I was a little grumpy.

But by the time we got into the Javits Center, I was a little happier, especially after seeing a Doctor Who booth.

YES! AN ENTIRE DOCTOR WHO BOOTH!

The booth was run by DoctorWhoStore.com and they literally had everything you could possible want from Doctor Who. OK, maybe not everything, but almost. Like posters, toys, sonic screwdrivers, DVDs, Daleks... Not kidding about the Dalek. Check it out.

Fezs ARE cool!

What's also awesome is that they had a fez. Yes, I bought one. Know why? Because fezs are cool.

I also got a Sonic Screwdriver pen (Matt Smith, MY Doctor) and a TARDIS pendant.

But what was really cool is that Ian McNeice, who played Winston Churchill was there signing autographs. And I got one! And took a picture with him and the Dalek!

Lauren & Ian, BFF

I also got this cool set with mini-figures of all 11 Doctors, and an Amy Pond figure with her dressed in the Police uniform.

With all of this cool Doctor Who stuff that was available, I think they should change the name from "New York Comic Con" to "WHO York Comic Con"!

The Avengers Official Theatrical Trailer

2011-10-11T22:23:00.005-04:00

The wanton destruction of the streets of New York. Breathtaking views of the city from the air. Captain America with an uzi. All of these things define the official theatrical trailer for The Avengers, Marvel’s next blockbuster.

I really don’t know where to start with this trailer. Since I’ve been stoked about this movie since Iron Man hit theaters back in 2008, to see the trailer and realizing that it’s almost upon us is absolutely amazing.

Jeremy Renner looks awesome as Hawkeye. Mark Ruffalo, I think, will make a great Bruce Banner. And Scarlett Johansson…I hope the trailer portrays her character as it will be in the movie; a quiet but dangerous super-spy/fighter. While I am disappointed that the trailer lacked any footage of Cobie Smulders as Maria Hill, I’ll get over it based on everything else I was given. (Yes, I am pretending that this trailer was made just for me. Because it was.)

There is no doubt in my mind that The Avengers will be fantastic. My only problem is that I have to wait 7 months before I can see the goddamn thing. Stupid passage of time. May 4th cannot come quickly enough.

The Avengers character posters make one awesome diarama.

Bad-Ass Pumpkin Line-Up 2011

2011-10-10T08:00:00.000-04:00

It's October again, and with Halloween right around the corner, I've decided to make the Bad-Ass Pumpkin Line-Up an annual thing here at Caution: Idiot At Play. If you missed the first installment of BAPLU, you can revisit it here. If you have, or just don't give a shit to dwell on the past, then may the Pumpkin Games begin!

Mad Scientist
Comic book artist Ray Dillon posted on his website a breakdown of how his Mad Scientist art was turned into a pumpkin. It must be cool to learn that, as an artist, someone found your art so striking that they would take the time to carve it into a large gourd. Good on Ray for reaching that status.

Tony Higgenbotham

Pokemon
When I first started my search, I didn't think I'd turn up any results on Pokemon-themed pumpkins. In my broad search, I found one. When I searched for "Pokemon jack o lantern", I got flooded with responses. Here are some of the best.

Spider-Man
Wow. The amount of detail in this pumpkin is staggering. Doing all of those webs would drive me absolutely nuts. But I'm certainly glad someone has the patience for it, otherwise the world would be denied this awesome Jack-o-Lantern.

Spider-Man

Doctor Who
It's kinda hard to hold onto Geek cred and not be a fan of Doctor Who. So far, I've been doing OK, but my fiancee has been breaking my resolve lately (don't tell her, please). Anyway, here's two Doctor Who themed pumpkin and BONUS! Each of the websites link gives directions and/or a template to create your own. YOU'RE WELCOME!

David Tennant

Dalek

Harry Potter

Finally, two Harry Potter designs. One realistic, one minimalistic. Both pretty cool.

Harry Potter

Harry Minimalism

My fiancee and I just went pumpkin picking yesterday, so we have two virgin pumpkins waiting to be sliced up. Granted, whatever we make will be no where near the quality of these pumpkins, but we have fun with it. Once our designs are complete, you can expect to see the finished product here.

New 52 Justice League: Thoughts Of A Non-Fan

2011-09-06T22:20:00.000-04:00

I guess that title is a little misleading: I have nothing against DC Comics, the characters, or even the reboots. What I intended that to mean is that I lean toward Marvel. Always have. Marvel began my love for comics so their characters hold a special place for me that DC just never captured. I've always liked Batman and Green Lantern, but never enough to spend thousands of dollars looking into the history of the characters, just to catch up on a future that DC would ret-conn eventually anyway.

But now, with DC rebooting their entire line and all of their characters, a "non-fan" like me has the chance to start at the beginning without needing to get a second mortgage (which would be impossible for me since I don't even have a house). I've been behind the idea since it was announced, and with the release of Justice League #1 this past Wednesday, my feelings have been pretty much cemented.

I did say "pretty much".

Let's just lay this out: I loved the hell out of Justice League #1. Geoff Johns has a way of writing comics that just fills his readers with wonderment. He tells such a fantastic story; his pacing is spot-on and his dialogue is so natural. Pairing that with the famous art of Jim Lee and there's almost no way that the issue could be bad.

While I felt that the introductions of the "new" characters was done well, I really think that releasing the entire line in a single month is just the wrong way to go about it.

Be warned. Spoilers may start here:

Green Lantern meets Batman face-to-face in the very first issue. They banter, each one admitting that they had heard of the other. They both have heard rumors of an alien in Metropolis (do I need to explain who they're referring to?), who shows up at the end of the issue. Oh, and Cyborg shows up, too. But not as Cyborg. As a high school football star. All of the characters come together so quickly and, while the Justice League doesn't get formed by the first issue, it damn near seems like it does. Everything happens so quickly that it almost made me shake my head in disbelief.

I would have preferred things to roll out more slowly, with Justice League being the last title to hit the stands, instead of the first. Slowly building up to the Justice League launch, say over the course of three or four months, would have allowed the writers to introduce many elements of the individual relationships of the characters, their trust and mistrust, and begin the gelling process before these heroes decide to join up and form a super-team.

In the end, I'm not a comic publisher; I don't know anything about the industry and don't claim to. But I am a fan who loves comic stories. I've read enough of them throughout my years to see what works well and what doesn't. I also know my buying habits. If a book doesn't wow me by issue 3, I tend to drop in, either saving the four bucks or putting it toward something that can hold my interest longer. In the end, if their goal was to gain more readership, DC took some amazingly drastic measures that, for their sake, I hope pay off. Of course, given the responsibilities that I have, like rent, food, and other necessities, I won't be able to jump into their relaunch headlong and hang on for the ride. I'll need to carefully pick and choose my purchases. But by that token, they have gained something of a new reader in me, who is willing to pick up even three or four new titles than I did last month. So, in a way, their gamble paid off, and they did gain a new reader.

But can they retain the new readers they gain? That is the true question...

Look Out! Here Comes the Amazing Spider-Man Trailer

2011-07-21T23:56:00.000-04:00

Watching the trailer has gotten me slightly more excited for the reboot. It has always been a given that I would be seeing this movie, but I was really annoyed when they announced a reboot of the franchise after Sam Raimi left. It just seemed pointless to me to reboot Spider-Man after three movies.

But whatever. So far, most of the movie looks pretty good. I do have some nitpicks about it. Nothing that will change my mind about the movie; I'm still more than willing to give it a chance.

For starters, I'm not crazy about the costume redeisgn. They stayed faithful to the original costume, which I'm happy with, but the tweaks just don't excite me enough to get behind it 100%. Although the more I see of it, the more it grows on me. But of course, this is coming from a guy who still holds out hope that the Scarlet Spider costume will make a movie apperance, so I may not be the authority here.

I am, however, glad that they're including the mechanical webshooters. Raimi and Tobey Maguire really pulled off the organic shooters in the first trilogy, so I really have no complaints. But let's be honest. Running out of web-fluid at the most inopportune moment is part of the "Parker Luck", and really goes along with making Peter Parker the kind of super hero he is. He doesn't have a lot of money, and it's clear that the web-fluid is expensive to make. So how does a Spider-Man manage to keep himself well stocked on web-fluid? Well, sometimes, he doesn't. And he has to go for days rationing what he has until the Daily Bugle's check posts in his account, which, of course, is the day after the Chameleon plans a hostage situation at the UN building. This is Spider-Man.

Now back the things I don't like. Andrew Garfield's hair. Peter Parker is supposed to be a dork. A geek. Completely out of touch with what's supposed to be cool. So to give him a hair cut that makes him look like Pauly D's younger cousin... That really falls flat. It's so out of place, not to mention out of character, that it's distracting. Maybe after he gets the spider powers does his hair style change a little. That I can accept. But from the very beginning? Not digging it.

Lastly, I'm really not a fan of the POV shot in the trailer. Don't get me wrong; it looks great. And I like how it makes the audience see everything like Spider-Man would. That really enhances the experience of seeing the movie. But, unfortunately, it reminds me too much of this. No matter how well done it is, Doom still did it first. And I'm sure that scene is only in there to take advantage of the 3D.

This movie has a lot of positives (at least in my mind) going for it, too. I like the angle that they took including Peter's parents at the beginning. It opens things up to how Peter got orphaned, and not just that he's an orphan. And also Martin Sheen. Martin fucking Sheen is playing Uncle Ben. That's awesome casting. Uncle Ben is sure to have a small role in the movie, but he is the driving force behind Peter being Spider-Man. And Martin Sheen... That's worth ten bucks right there.

All in all, the Amazing Spider-Man trailer is well put together. I like it more than I like the trailer for the Dark Knight Rises. Though I wish they included a shot of the Lizard, just even the quickest of glimpses, I'll guess this will have to do. I just hope they aren't trying to keep the Lizard design under wraps until the movie opens, like Tri-star tried to do with Godzilla back in 1998. Man, was that disappointing.

The Dark Knight Rises Trailer

2011-07-18T23:49:00.001-04:00

The fact that it took me all day to post this proves I'm an asshole. Or forgetful.

Yeah, this movie looks good as hell. Granted, they aren't showing much, besides Gordon in a hospital bed, tall towers crumbling to the ground revealing the Bat-Symbol from the teaser poster, and scenes of Bruce Wayne working out, but it still looks good.

And I'm damn excited to see Bane in all of this. The quick shot of his face is pretty bad-ass. Given that this is the end of the trilogy for Christopher Nolan, is this movie a translation of the Knightfall storyline? If you don't know what Knightfall is, I won't spoil it for you, but be warned that doing something like that would be extremely ballsy, and probably something Nolan would do.

I would have liked to see some Anne Hathaway in all of this, and how the whole Selina Kyle/Catwoman thing works for her. Or even Joseph Gordon-Levitt (what are they doing with him anyway). But, to be honest, I'll take what I can get.

Release date is set for July 20 of next year. I really couldn't be more excited.

ADDED BONUS
Here is the Dark Knight Rises trailer cut with scenes from Batman: The Animated Series and other animated Batman shows and movies, using the original audio track from the trailer. Enjoy!

John Carter of Mars? Yes, indeed.

2011-07-14T21:31:00.000-04:00

So I was putzing around Twitter today, and I am wont to do, and I noticed a major swell in mentions of a John Carter. People seemed to be talking about the trailer for the upcoming movie and having very positive opinions of it. So, being the lemming that I am, I decided to take a look (which you can do here, as well).

After watching it twice, I have to say I am impressed.

I'll admit, I don't know much about this John Carter of Mars. But a little search through Wikipedia eductaed me to the story's origin. Written by Edgar Rice Burroughs, the author behind the character of Tarzan, A Princess of Mars (the story in which John Carter is the lead) tells of a man who is transported to Mars and helps to save a civilization.

Yep, this looks like it's right up my alley.

Although the trailer seems in many ways like an homage to Cowboys & Aliens (another movie I'm excited as shit to see), I really dig it. It has a few elements of Prince of Persia, which I didn't hate as much as everyone else, though seeing as how it's also a Disney movie, I suppose that's to be expected. Despite the lead being played by Taylor Kisch who, if you've ever read my blog before you would know, I absolutely despise, I really do think that John Carter is a movie that I would enjoy.

Also, you can download Burrough's original book, A Princess of Mars, for free for any e-reader. I got my copy and I can't wait to dive into it. Enjoy!

The Dark Knight Rises Teaser Poster

2011-07-12T23:08:00.000-04:00

The concept of this image is amazing, truly capturing the decay of Gotham City that we first get to see in The Dark Knight.

What's crazy is that when I first saw the image, the huge picture of the bat did not immediately jump out at me. Maybe that says more about me than it does for the poster but, regardless. I will attribute that to a wonderful subtlety that allows the genius of this image to sneak up on you.

Compared to other teaser posters for high-profile movies, this poster really pulls off both concept and execution. For example, I remember first seeing the Star Wars Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith teaser poster. The concept of that poster was fantastic: showing the connection between Anakin and Darth Vader by having the folds in Anakin's cape melt into Vader's helmet. But the execution... Not so great.

When you look at the other teaser posters for the Christopher Nolan series of Batman movies, then I'd have to say that this is the best of the bunch. The teaser for Batman Begins was a little bland, showing just the silhouette of Batman. It didn't really evoke the sense of curiosity to churn up interest in the movies. (Of course, anything that would have washed away the stink of Batman and Robin would have been enough to churn up interest.) The Dark Knight was a little more mysterious, showing the face of the Joker painted on a harsh, brick wall and the phrase "Why So Serious?" written at the top.

But this? This is a real teaser. This leaves the brain wondering what the hell could possibly happen in The Dark Knight Rises. With all of the secrecy surrounding the movie at this time, and what little information being released so sporadic and meticulously planned, the producers really did well in this design. It's enough to capture the attention of your average movie-goer and get them interested in the film, and give absolutely nothing away.

All I have to say is well done, Nolan. Well done.

A Conversation Between Steven Spielberg and Michael Bay

2011-07-05T22:59:00.001-04:00

After seeing Transformers 3, I really have to imagine that the pre-planning stage consisted of a conversation similar to this one. (Ummm... well... Spoilers, I guess)

Michael Bay: (Knocks sheepishly on door) You wanted to see me Steve?
Steven Spielberg: (Looking up from counting the stacks of money on his desk) Ahh, yes, Michael. Come on in.
Michael Bay: (Walks in and sits in an empty chair across from Steven Spielberg. Reaches into his TRANSFORMERS 3 Burger King bag, pulling out handful of french fries and stuffs them into his mouth)
Steven Spielberg: (Takes a long sip of his COWBOYS & ALIENS themed Slurpee cup) Now Michael, I wanted to talk to you about Transformers 3.
Michael Bay: Yeah, yeah. I'm so excited to be doing another Transformers movie. (Bits of chewed french fry litter the front of Steven Spielberg's desk. Michael Bay looks at it, embarassed) Sorry, Steve. Let me get that. (Pulls out a wad of hundred dollar bills and sweeps the crumbs from Steven Spielberg's desk)
Steven Spielberg: Thanks. Now anyway, as you know, Transformers 2 was shit. I mean, more than shit, really.
Michael Bay: Wait a minute... I made a lot of money from that movie.
Steven Spielberg: Yes, and you shit on a lot of childhoods in the process. Now, what I'm suggesting is we go in a different direction for the third film.
Michael Bay: Yeah, like what? The Autobots fall asleep for two thousand years and when they wake up they're surrounded by aliens?
Steven Spielberg: Ha, ha. Yeah, OK. You got me there. But anyway. I really think we should do something different. Like, make it make sense or something.
Michael Bay: (stares blankly at Steven Spielberg) I'm not following.
Steven Spielberg: (sighs) Well, most movies follow a logical progressive, where the audience can... You know what? Doesn't matter. Let's start with this these two Mini-Coopers or whatever they are. Skidmark and Mudbutt.
Michael Bay: Skids and Mudflap. They're funny, right?
Steven Spielberg: No. They aren't. They're horrible. Gone. Out. Let's do something else.
Michael Bay: How about... a Lamborghini...
Steven Spielberg: ...OK. I can see that.
Michael Bay: ...With a Staten Island accent! How funny would that be?
Steven Spielberg: What if we try not to stereotype the robots? Maybe the Lamborghini has an Italian accent?
Michael Bay: (stares blankly at Steven Spielberg) You mean, like, Super Mario?
Steven Spielberg: (shakes head)
Michael Bay: Wait! I got a great idea for a new robot. How about a Jeep, with a rollbar that becomes the robot wee-wee? Kids love penis jokes!
Steven Spielberg: No, Michael. You love penis jokes. We aren't doing that.
Michael Bay: Awww... Come on! I put balls on the Devestator! I have a reputation to uphold.
Steven Spielberg: Fine. OK. How about a long, undulating worm-like robot. Is that enough of a phallic symbol for you?
Michael Bay: What's a phallic symbol?
Steven Spielberg: (muttering to himself) You expected something different from the guy who made Armageddeon?
Michael Bay: What was that?
Steven Spielberg: Nothing. What other ideas do you have?
Michael Bay: Well, I would like to include a scene that intimates gay sex in a stall in a men's room.
Steven Spielberg: OK. Fine. Whatever. What about the movie?
Michael Bay: Movie?
Steven Spielberg: Yes. The movie. What's the plot?
Michael Bay: (scratched head) Plot?
Steven Spielberg: (pushes himself up from desk and ushers Michael bay from the office) You know what? I'll take care of the rest. Just make sure you show up on set and call Action, OK?
Michael Bay: (claps excitedly) Yay! OK! (stops in doorway) Just one more thing.
Steven Spielberg: What? What? What the fuck do you want, Michael?
Michael Bay: Can we give Megatron an ascot?

The Walking Dead: A Review

2010-11-01T11:16:00.000-04:00

Most of the time, zombie movies are thrilling because of the blood and carnage that the zombies create. Running after humans, eating brains, and just being walking, bleeding piles of flesh has, for the most part, been the main draw towards this genre. Rarely has there been a zombie movie that concentrates not on the dead, but on the living.

Robert Kirkman wondered why this was and decided to remedy the situation. Known for his popular comic series Invincible, Kirkman wrote a new story, one based in a zombie infected world, but paid attention to the characterization of his survivors, instead of the growling and snarling of the dead.

The Walking Dead became so popular that it was picked up by cable channel AMC, the company that brought you such dramatic hits like Mad Men and Breaking Bad, and developed into a weekly television series. And, in a fit of marketing genius, it debuted last night, on Halloween.

If you had the chance, and the bravery, to watch the first episode last night, then congratulations. Not only were you able to see a shining example of television, but you took your first steps into something huge. Though the action was minimized to only a few key moments, the characterization was set up for the rest of the series. We see the confusion that Rick Grimes, the main character, faces upon waking up n a hospital after being in a coma for an indeterminate period of time. With no one around, and the world eerily quiet, with the exception of the guttural noises from behind a few corners, he needs to piece together just what the hell is going on.

He eventually runs into Morgan and Duane, who have holed themselves up in a house in Rick’s old neighborhood, fighting off the advancement of their own demons. Morgan’s wife died and was brought back by the zombie disease, and now she haunts him and Duane. They are paralyzed with emotion whenever they see her, and with good reason. When a loved one comes back for you, wanting to eat the flesh from your bones, how would you react? Morgan tries to do what’s necessary to free him and his son from the curse that they face. It’s a touching scene, not one that you would find in any recent George Romero-branded movies.

The half-a-girl zombie added emotional relevance
to the premiere of The Walking Dead

With a pilot that was written and directed by Frank Darabont, who also brought us classic movies like The Shawshank Redemption and The Green Mile, then it’s easy to see how the emotion and characters are the focal point of the series. Granted, this was the creator’s intention since the beginning of the series, but to have a man like Darabont get behind that notion shows that AMC believes in the series and its direction. Darabont also maximizes the tension in the scenes by minimizing the background music. Not swelling concertos or quirky, single-note piano score. When the danger lurks around the corner, the silence becomes the scariest thing. I really wish some of those big-time movie directors would take a cue from Darabont and realize this. (Yes, I know Darabont is a big-time movie director. But it seems his work isn’t studied enough.)

Too often I am let down by a show or movie that has me so excited for such a long period of time. However, The Walking Dead really delivered on what I was expecting. It stayed true to the source material while managing to take a few artistic liberties of its own. There were a few scenes I was disappointed in, such as the cut to the camp, but I’d be willing to overlook this because of how well the rest of it was. I look forward to a long life with The Walking Dead, and hope that it gets the same respect and dedication that AMC’s Mad Men has gotten. Because it’s that good.

How Mercury Falls Changed the Business of Publishing

2010-10-29T08:00:00.003-04:00

Maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration, but the story behind the novel is interesting nonetheless.

Robert Kroese, the author of Mercury Falls, began his writing career as a satirical blogger. He started the blog Mattress Police and posted many humorous stories about his life, some of which were actually true. He was able to gather a handful of faithful readers and, eventually, used the blog to leverage his first full-length novel, Mercury Falls.

As he garnered more and more support for Mercury Falls, he approached a number of publishers and literary agents, in hopes of getting his grand opus published. Well, each one of them basically told him to hit the bricks. But did this reaction stop Kroese?

Nope.

He decided to self-publish.

Despite being told that self-publishing is a poor route to travel (though mostly by those who have not yet been published, and felt that self-publishing would denigrate the quality of their writing), Kroese blazed forward. He made Mercury Falls available through Amazon.com, and also provided a downloadable e-book through Smashwords.com.

But his work didn't stop there; Kroese knew that he had some hard work ahead of him promoting his book. After all, what good is publishing a book if no one reads it?

The biggest task Kroese committed to included scouring Amazon for books in a similar vein to Mercury Falls. He went through the reviews and comments on the website for each book and made a list of email addresses. He contacted every person on the list, offering to send them a free copy of Mercury Falls if they would review it on Amazon. Though he got only a few takers, he did manage to get the word out about his novel. (You can read about how he promoted Mercury Falls in depth here.)

Kroese also leveraged social networking sites like Twitter, Facebook, and Goodreads to get the word out. He would offer a few download of his book to his Twitter followers that would retweet certain messages. It may seem strange that he is giving books away after spending his own money to produce them, but his marketing techniques garnered over 4,000 books sold, and more than 100 5-star reviews. And these numbers attracted the attention of Amazon Encore.

Now, Amazon Encore is an in-house publishing company started by Amazon. So, basically, what it means to be picked up by Encore is that Kroese, after all the years of hard work and dedication to a novel that he believed in, managed to find himself a publisher that believed in his material as much as he did. Of course it helped that the novel already had sold 4,000 copies and had so much positive press in the form of reviews, but it is still quite an achievement.

Robert Kroese - he writes
books

Having read Mercury Falls, I can attest to it's quality. Kroese's humor is unique and works with the material and storyline that he has created. His take on the Apocalypse is incomparable to anything else, and his dry humor and sarcastic wit will have you chuckling and, at times, chortling. I recommend picking it up, which is available at Amazon.com here, and supporting an author that has worked as hard as Kroese has for his success (after all, overnight success is easy to come by). I would also recommend you follow Kroese's blog, Mattress Police, as it is filled with humorous essays and stories, as well as tips and suggestions for novice authors. You can also find more information about Kroese, Mercury Falls, and his sophomore publication, The Force Is Middling In This One (another book I highly recommend) here.

Bad-Ass Pumpkin Line-Up 2010

2010-10-26T12:19:00.010-04:00

With Halloween coming around, I wanted to do a post showing off some cool and unique pumpkin-carving patterns and where to download them. However, as I began to scour the internet for these templates, I found one thing -- most of the sites offering the templates refuse to show them to you until you pony up some cash to purchase them. I can't really get mad at them; I mean, good for them if they've found a business that works and they can actually make some money. But I am upset that my blog post idea is now all shot to hell.

So instead of patterns, I'll go ahead and show you some really cool, already been carved pumpkins.

The Death Star and R2-D2
Who wouldn't like a pair of Star Wars themed jack-o-lanterns? Though there are probably millions on the internet, these were two of the best that I found.

Yvette's Inner Geek

The Derring Dos

Twitter's Fail Whale
In my opinion, if you're not on Twitter, you may as well not exist. And here is Twitter's unofficial mascot, at least during the times that it isn't working right (which, unfortunately, is quite often.)

Aurelle In Accidental Position

Pan's Labyrinth
Pan's Labyrinth was one hell of a movie, and, apparently, the characters make one hell of a pumpkin.

Barton's Blog

Adora
While not really bad-ass, as most of these entries have been, the technical aspect of this carving is amazing, which is why I included it here.

hallow.in

Predator and Alien
Separately, they make great movies. Together, not so much. But in pumpkin form... They have reclaimed their awesome-ness

Unreality magazine

Unreality Magazine

Nightmare Before Christmas
What list would be complete without a Nightmare Before Christmas entry? Well, not this one.

Adventures in Dullness

The Lantern Corps

Plixi wouldn't allow me to download the image to put up a preview here, but trust me. It's worth the click.

http://plixi.com/p/52720967

Now, bear in mind, this selection is only a smattering of the cool jack-o-lantern's out there. If I missed your favorites, then I apologize. But feel free to send them my way and I'll put them up at the Tumblr site.

Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes

2010-10-21T22:39:00.004-04:00

If you were lucky enough to be in front of Disney XD yesterday, then you were lucky enough to catch the premiere of the new Marvel animated series, Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes. Since hearing about this show many months back, I have been excited about it. And last night's premiere did not disappoint.

The story was based on the first New Avengers storyline, with some unknown threat causing a total systems failure in four super-villain maximum security buildings; the Cube, the Vault, the Big House, and the Raft. Due to this, the super villains break free and begin to cause chaos, and only the super powered heroes of the city can stop them.

What I liked most about the new series is the way they brought together the original members of the Avengers. I mean Iron Man, Thor, the Hulk, Ant-Man, and the Wasp. Though cameos were made by characters who will no doubt go on to join the team, like Hawkeye, and Black Widow, but in the end, it was the core members that made the cut.

It was also good to see the way the characters acted when not part of the team. The Hulk and Bruce Banner both struggle with each other, trying to find a balance between man and monster. Iron Man acts like a cocky son of a bitch who can take the world down between cocktails. Thor marvels at the strength that men have, a trait that they are unaware of, and spends some time with Jane Foster, which was a nice little addition. I'm not really sure if the series will remain true to the characters of Ant-Man and Wasp, as, at least in the first two episodes, he never once backhanded the shit out of her, and she never stood in as his punching bag. Well, I'm sure the show will have a long enough run to flesh this out.

The climax of the show was ridiculously insane, and I mean that in the best possible way. The main bad guy turned out to be a scientist-victimized-by-his-own-experiment (will comics ever run out of those types?) by the name of Graviton. His powers are complete control over gravity (obviously), and he uses them to immense satisfaction. He tosses Thor around quite a bit, and launches Iron Man into space. About the only lone Avenger who can take him on is Wasp, who stings the shit out of him constantly (but honestly, she's probably dealt with worse blows from Ant-Man). It's only when the Hulk shows up and begins to put a hurt on Graviton do they begin to work as a team and bring him down. The most insane part comes in the form of a bolt of lightning Thor calls down, taking out nearly half of the city. The action is so intense that it is rivaled only by the animated film Ultimate Avengers that came out a few years back.

But I can't say that the show is perfect. While I love the animated style and art direction, the animation itself seemed choppy to me. It paled in comparison to recent animated shows like Spectacular Spider-Man and Wolverine and the X-Men. By no means is it bad, just not up to snuff with some of Marvel's other work.

I somehow made the mistake of missing the micro-sides that Marvel released a few weeks prior to the shows premiere, and I really regret doing so. Had I known that the show was going to be this awesome, I would have gobbled them all up and asked for seconds. But I will be trying to hunt those down as I await the third episode of the series, and I would suggest you do the same. In the vein of most of Marvel's recent work, Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes is a winner. Let's just hope it makes it past one season (I'm looking at you, Wolverine and the X-Men).

War Is Heck: A Serial Drama, Or Something Part 2

2010-10-18T13:32:00.005-04:00

So, as I was doing a little updating on the blog, I realized that it has been over a year since I posted the first strip from my serialized-war-drama-web-comic, War Is Heck. Seeing as how Halloween is a few weeks away, and my comic strip has nothing to do with Halloween, the occult, or anything even slightly scary, I decided it's a great time to post the second strip. (That, and I needed something to update with.)

So, here it is.

I could add some insight as to the creative process of this strip, or even explain the punchline, but I won't. Just like the writers and producers of Lost, I will allow you all to infer whatever deep meanings you would like.

I only have one strip left to show you, so maybe sometime in 2011, you will see it. Once I find these action figures, I will get to work (maybe) on making more. Until then, feel free to check out my sometimes updated, illustrated comic, Clit & Pecker.

How Marvel and Stan Lee Almost Destroyed My Love Of Comics

2010-10-11T12:32:00.002-04:00

Ah, New York Comic Con. For months, you have been the source of my excitement. With each passing day and additional news article, I grew more and more anxious to visit you, to see what all the hub-bub is about. I only go to about one comic-based convention a year, and never getting the chance to visit San Diego, which house the Mecca of comic book conventions, I figured New York would be the next best thing.

Well, I was right and wrong.

Originally, I couldn’t wait to write-up my experience of NYCC 2010. At the very least, it would be something to update my blog with, and at the most, I would have all kinds of pictures of the cool swag I acquired and the cosplayers that attended.

But instead, I have a story of how NYCC almost made me quit the hobby of comic books after 20 years. It’s almost unfathomable that a comic book convention would turn one of its attendants against its very nature. But it almost happened. And even more ironically, it stems from both Marvel and Stan Lee. Here’s what happened.

One of the reasons I attended New York Comic Con 2010 was because of the appearance of Stan Lee. Now, if you don’t know who Stan Lee is, he is the creator of a number (if not most) of Marvel Comics’ properties, including the X-Men, Spider-Man, and Iron Man. For years, I have had a reprinted copy of the Amazing Spider-Man issue number 1, signed by the artist of the book, Steve Ditko. And for almost as long as I have had that comic, I have had the desire to search out Stan Lee and have him autograph it right next to Steve Ditko. So, hearing that he would be at Comic Con, I decided that I needed to attend.

Well, a few days before the show, Marvel announced how the Stan Lee, meet-and-greet and signing would be held; via a blind lottery. My hopes were dashed; I am not lucky enough to win a coin toss, let alone a random lottery against hundreds of other participants. (In fact, the only prize I’ve ever one in recent history was never sent to me. By the way, fuck you PIX in Philadelphia. Give me my Smallville Season 8.)

Anyway, this didn’t stop me from going to Comic Con. I also brought the comic I wanted signed with me, in case I ran into Stan Lee in the bathroom or something I could always be that creepy guy and ask for a signature that way.

Friday happens, and Lauren and I had a great time. We met a whole bunch of cool people, got some stuff signed and got a few sketches. It was great.

Saturday was less so. After being herded through the building like cattle to be given a bag of stuff (which could have been given out at the door and saved everyone forty-five minutes of their day from being wasted) Lauren and I muddled our way through the conventions halls as best we could, which was almost impossible from the number of people there. We had heard that the Saturday of the show was completely sold out, and the crowds of people indicated that this was true. This made the day completely miserable because there was no opportunity to enjoy anything. It became nearly impossible to stop and browse any of the tables, and it you managed to do so, the crowds kept bumping into you, knocking you off balance and sweeping you away into their mix. Absolutely insane.

Anyway, I’m digressing. So a few hours into the show, Lauren and I head out of the main convention room to get some space, when we see a sign at one of the booths advertising a Stan Lee signature with “package purchase.” We inquired about this particular package and were told that it is $150 for a t-shirt and sweatshirt, and, of course, the signature. We were also told that Stan would sign one piece of memorabilia. For the chance to make an 18 year-old dream come true, we decided to purchase the package. However, as we were handing the people the money, Stan was being whisked away to make it to the Marvel booth for his scheduled signing.

The people at the POW! Booth (Purveyors Of Wonder, Stan Lee’s newest business venture) gave me a receipt for my purchase, and told me to rush over to the Marvel booth to speak with Max. I was told to explain to Max that I purchased the package and show him the receipt, and I would get my signature. So Lauren and I braved the crowds of the con floor and made it to the Marvel booth, and waited on line.

A gentleman by the name of Tim, one of the guys from Marvel, approached me, seeing that I did not have the required ticket to wait on line, and questioned me. I explained to him the situation, and he seemed cool with it. He said that it any of the Event Staff gave me a hard time to tell them that Tim said it was OK for me to be there. I shook his hand and waited patiently and excitedly.

As I got to the front of the line, I was greeted by two Marvel Event Staff guys who were trying to keep order. I explained to them why I was there without one of the “golden tickets.” The guy to my left was decent enough. When I mentioned Max’s name, he turned to try and get his attention. But the guy to my right leaned into my face and spoke to me as a mother speaks to her petulant child.

“I am telling you that if you don’t have the ticket, then you can’t be here.”

Anger flushed my face. After paying $150 for a package just to get a signature, not to mention 20 years of collecting comics and countless dollars that I have given to Marvel, I did not deserve to be spoken to like that. I get that they were there to keep order and that they have probably dealt with a number of line cutters already, but I had a reason to be there, I was told to be there, and I don’t appreciate some snot-nosed fuck getting in my face condescendingly. It was clear to me that this guy didn’t work for Marvel, that he was a temp hired on to help with the event, as he wore a shirt that said “Event Staff”, meanwhile, Tim and some of the other Marvel employees that I did recognize were dressed in regular clothes. But Marvel should be aware of how there temps are speaking to their fans. This guy represented Marvel, so, at that moment, he made Marvel look like dicks.

Anyway, the other guy got Max’s attention for me, but when Max turned around he said “That’s a POW thing. They need to deal with it.”

Again. More anger.

I stood at the front of the line for a minute, refusing to move. I eventually did, and Lauren and I rushed back to the POW booth to tell them what happened. I explained that Max is a dick, a fact that they were apparently aware of, and that he turned me away. They asked me to come back around a half hour later to speak with someone of management. These two people were really cool about the whole thing. They genuinely seemed like they wanted to help me, so I said OK, and Lauren and I went outside for a little bit.

About 30 minutes later, we returned to the POW booth and were met by the woman we were supposed to see. Lauren began to explain the situation, and it went downhill from there. Apparently, this woman, whose name I did not get, went to the same school that retail managers go to, because she spoke to us like we were returning a defective DVD to Best Buy.

“I understand your frustrations completely.”

Oh, really? So you have been seeking out the autograph of a man for 18 years, only to find yourself so close and was told to fuck off? Because that’s my frustration right now.

She said that she could either give me a refund or get me a signed shirt. Now, let’s examine the Freudian undertones in her choices. By offering me the refund first, she clearly just wanted me to go away. It wasn’t about making money or placating a fan. It was about not having to deal with the problem any longer. She didn’t care about what I wanted, or even, despite her claim to “understand.” I worked in retail for eight years. I know the feeling of saying “Here’s your money. Now get out.”

I considered the second part of her offer for a moment. A signed t-shirt. Then I realized that I didn’t give a shit about the shirt. Yes, I wanted the man’s signature, but it meant almost nothing to me if it was not on my already signed-by-Steve-Ditko comic book. At this point I will admit that I want what I want on my terms, but who doesn’t? I didn’t care about the t-shirt or sweatshirt that was part of the package.

I told her I wanted my money back, which she couldn’t care less about. She told the other two people, the ones who were helpful, to refund my money and walked away. I gave them the two shirts back, and I could tell that they were sympathetic to what I had just been through. (Sadly, I didn’t get their names, but I wish I had gone back to them and thanked them. They were the only two descent people, besides Tim from Marvel, that I dealt with throughout this entire ordeal.)

All in all, this entire situation ruined my Saturday. For a few hours after that, I questioned my devotion to the hobby of comic books. How could a fan be treated with such derision and condescension? Without fans like me, these people and businesses would not exist to the extent that they do. I understand that they can’t placate each fan, because it is impossible to make everyone happy. But to treat them like shit is a different story.

Thankfully, we still had Sunday of the show to go to, and even though I was dreading it, I managed to have a good time. It helped to reinvigorate my fandom, especially talking with a few more of the creators and having a good time. After meeting Buddy Scalera, author of the Comic Artists Photo Reference line of books, I realized that not everyone in the business is a self-centered asshole. When I told him how much I loved his books, and how great the layout and product was, he shook my hand, seemed genuinely touched by words, and told me to email him some of my finished artwork. This certainly wasn’t something that I expected from anyone, but it was great to see someone care that much.

He wasn’t the only one, either. There were so many artists and writers that were happy to meet and talk to they fans, mostly because they realize that their fans are there to meet them. It’s just sad that two of the biggest entities in comics, Stan Lee and Marvel, both had representation that failed to grasp the idea of what a fan is.

While I toyed with the idea of doing away with my hobby, I’ve settled on the fact that nothing will change. I will continue to purchase my comic books on a regular basis, mostly because I’ve invested so much into the characters already and I care too much. However, I have come to realize that I no longer hold Marvel or Stan Lee in the same reverence that I once did, given the impact that they had on me this past weekend. And it’s a sad thing.

The ten-year-old boy in me is feeling a sense of disappointment that he never has felt before.

The Right To Mutilate Thy Flesh

2010-09-17T11:20:00.003-04:00

Has anyone else heard about this?

In Clayton, NC, a 14 year old girl was suspended from school for having a nose piercing. Now, I do not disagree with this; the school has a rigid dress-code that they are adhering to, and this girl’s nose piercing violates that dress code. Had I tried to pull some shit like that when I was in school, I’m sure that I would have been suspended as well, until I agreed to remove the offending object. However, this girl and her mother are fighting the school board’s decision by saying…
Are you ready for this?

The school board’s decision violates the girl’s first amendment rights.

Oh, and it gets worse.

Apparently, the nose piercing is a religious symbol. That religion?

Nope, not Hindu. The girl belongs to the Church Of Body Modification.

If this is not the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard of, then I don’t know what is. This “Church” has its own website (so it must be a real thing!!!) on which it declares its Statement of Faith, which includes “We believe our bodies belong only to ourselves and are a whole and integrated entity: mind, body, and soul. We maintain we have the right to alter them for spiritual and other reasons.”

OK, so the backbone of your religion is your desire to deform yourself through piercing, tattoos, and needless implants?

Where is the actual foundation of this religion? According to Wikipedia, religion is “the belief in and worship of a god or gods, or a set of beliefs concerning the origin and purpose of the universe.” How does a nose piercing concern the origins of the universe? Does it represent the Earth, while the left nostril is the sun, and the placement of the piercing represents the rotation of the universe in the cosmic soup that is a 14 year old girl’s face?

These people are freaks. They should be treated as freaks and looked down upon with shame and derision. To assemble themselves under a common goal of altering their physical bodies and proclaiming that desire as a “religion”… there is something seriously wrong with these people (if they can still be called that).

With that said, I have decided to help them out. Since a religion needs a deity to worship, I have collected a small sample from which to choose; people who represent the ideals behind body modification.

Henry Rollins

With an immense amount of tattoos, Rollins is unafraid to change his body’s appearance and add some sort of adornment to his skin. However, with the Church of Body Modification’s flair for anything painful, even Rollins, despite his badass-ness throughout his career, may be considered too tame.

Christina Aguilera

This bubble-gum pop star has 11 body piercings and a few tattoos… and we all know that those aren’t her only “body modifications.”

Jocelyn Wildenstein

The epitome of body modification, Jocelyn has undergone numerous plastic surgeries to make herself resemble a cat. Many religions (most of them recognized as real religions) worship some sort of animal totem, such as the Hindi god Ganesh, or the Roman god Faunus. Clearly, Wildenstein exemplifies the CoBM’s ideals in the sense that she is no longer human, and she has the power to scare small children. The best of both worlds!

The Back Up

2010-03-26T08:00:00.003-04:00

Last month, I posted a list of some of the dumbest inventions on the market. Unironically, many of these products were originally marketed via television Infomercials. A short time after that post, I saw another infomercial that I figured should have been mentioned within that post.

The Back Up is a device that you place between your mattress and boxspring, which adds two hooks to the side of your bed, giving you a place to store your shotgun. According to the website, 70% of people consider their shotgun as a form of home protection. Thus, the Back Up Plan is way to stay safe in the case of a home invasion while you sleep.

I understand its purpose, but I think this is one of the dumbest things I’ve ever seen. This is clearly the kind of product that would be popular in the South. It’s the bedside equivalent of having a gun rack in a pick up truck. I mean, really? A shotgun attached to my bed? What kinds of accidents does this thing create?

But seeing the Back Up got me to thinking. What other ways can it be used? It seems like a handy device, but since I don’t own a shotgun, I can’t really relate to it. I’ve listed here a selection of other products that can be used with the Back Up.

What if you wake up in the middle of the night with a joke in mind? Well, worry no more. Now, your humor props are always on hand.

Do you get hungry in the middle of the night? Are you 700 pounds and bed ridden? Then the Back Up is our solution.

How about some hot, on-the-spot, lesbian action? Here ya go!

So I guess the Back Up does have some practical uses. I just feel that the creators are not marketing it correctly. If they through some of these uses into their advertising, I can guarantee that they will sell so many more units.

Think they will offer me a job for this?

The 82nd Academy Awards

2010-03-08T15:56:00.006-05:00

I’m not a fan of award shows. I never have been. I feel that anyone who can accomplish the things that I can’t deserves accolades and that isn’t something that can be quantified. Yes, there are bad movies and musicians, but they have done something that I haven’t, so good for them. To have their faces rubbed in the fact that someone else did things better than they have is just mean.

Regardless of this, my girlfriend made me watch the 82nd Annual Academy Awards last night. Strangely, I enjoyed the experience more than I thought I would.

Don’t get me wrong. It was an overly excruciating experience. But there were a few highlights.

Watching the tag-team comedy of Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin was painful. Alec Baldwin just seemed to be in a fog through the entire show. Steven Martin proved himself capable to host the show alone, so I question the inclusion of Alec Baldwin. However, I did laugh harder than I expected to at their Paranormal Activity spoof. Between that and Ben Stiller dressed as a Na’vi from Avatar were about the only two things I laughed at. But not the entire Ben Stiller act. The premise was amusing, but got less funny each time he mocked himself. It wasn’t until his outburst with the special effects guy controlling his tail that I really cracked up. After that, though, it all went to hell.

It’s a well known fact that the Oscars have issues with time. More often than not, the show runs over its intended time slot, due to the number of speeches, tributes, and “comedy” acts that they work into the show. Well, this year, a lot of that was cut out, including the full musical numbers for the Best Song category. Yet it somehow managed to last until midnight, making it a half hour longer than it was intended to be. And they ended it abruptly, with jarring results.

Prior to the announcement of the winner in both categories of Best Actor and Actress , a short tribute was given to each of the nominees from people close to them. While this was very touching in a unique kind of way, it was also unnecessary. It used up so much time that when it came down to Best Picture, the category that most people care about and the one that means the most, in my opinion, Tom Hanks literally came on stage and read the winner. There was no introduction or recap of the nominees. It was basically “I’m Tom Hanks. And the winner is…” What? Granted, they did take time throughout the show to showcase each of the nominees in the category, but over the course of 3 plus hours, I had completely forgotten who was in the running. I think, also, the decision to include 10 nominees in the Best Picture category was definite overkill. Let’s face it; most of those chosen had no chance. So what was the point? To say that it’s the first time since 1943 that 10 films were nominated? Clearly, there’s no precedence, so clearly there’s no need.

I was glad to see that Avatar did not win Best Picture. In fact, it won fewer awards than I expected it to. I’ll admit that I haven’t seen Avatar and I really have no intentions of doing so. I am probably one of the few geeks on Earth who will say this, but I’m really tired of James Cameron. From everything I’ve read about it, Avatar is nothing original. It seems like a CG remake of Disney’s Pocahontas and really unnecessary. For it to win the Best Picture award would have been a travesty. I’m glad our society hasn’t come to that.

A couple of shockers happened as well. Sandra Bullock won Best Actress. Who saw that coming? While I don’t necessarily think she deserved it, a claim I can’t make not having seen her performance, I’m not mad that she won. I may not be a fan, but Bullock is a hard working actress and all I have to say is good for her. I was also surprised to see Sean Penn at the Oscars. In the past, he avoided the Academy Awards like the plague, so to see him there was quite strange. Has his opinion of the academy changed over the years? More than likely, he lost a bet to someone. We will see next year. Also, why wasn’t Farrah Fawcett part of their ‘In Memoriam’ tribute? Michael Jackson was included, and he isn’t known for his acting skills. That was an unforgivable mistake.

Other than that, the Oscars were pretty much what I expected. I hated the dance sequence for Best Original Score. I felt it lent nothing to the music and actually detracted from the fantastic scores it was meant to pay homage to. There were enough self aggrandizing speeches, such as Sandy Powell’s proclamation of “I already have two of these…” after winning for Best Costume Design. She did her best to back-pedal by trying to dedicate the win to all of the costume designers who get overlooked every year, but the damage was done.

Two things really stuck out and moved me in a way that I couldn’t expect from the Academy Awards. The first was the tribute to John Hughes, presented by Matthew Broderick and Molly Ringwald. The honor they bestowed on Hughes was very sweet and sentimental. After a short video homage, Broderick and Ringwald were joined onstage by Jon Cryer, Judd Nelson, Anthony Michael Hall, Ally Sheedy, and Macauly Culkin. They each related a memory of Hughes, and it was almost heartbreaking to see Macauly Culkin on the verge of tears. But my favorite moment of the night was Michael Giacchino’s acceptance speech after winning Best Score for his work on Up. He told a short story about how his parents never told him his hobby of movie-making when he was younger was a waste of time. He relayed this message to everyone who doesn’t have the same support system that he did. His point was that if you love what you do, then it’s not a waste of time. I thought this was the most touching and self-sacrificing acceptance speech that I have heard in years.

I don’t regret watching the Oscar’s. However, I probably won’t be doing it again; at least not of my own volition. But I am glad that there was very little that morally offended me. Granted, most of the show’s winners were fairly obvious, but the few that came out of left field were enough to shake up the academy. And it’s about damn time.

Images courtesy Newszine and Huffington Post. Click images to visit respective stories.

Alice In Wonderland

2010-03-07T10:21:00.003-05:00

When Tim Burton steps behind the camera to direct a movie you know that you’re in store for a visually stunning, well directed epic with a few touches on the macabre and deranged. Just look at his canon: Edward Scissorhands, Big Fish, Pee Wee’s Big Adventure and many others. So to hear that he is helming a project like Alice In Wonderland, which is already known for it’s strange imagery and insane characters, then clearly this is a marriage made in cinematic heaven.

Burton’s take on Alice In Wonderland deviates slightly from the premise of the books, in that it stars an older Alice, around 19 years old, who has no recollection that she visited Wonderland as a little girl, making this more of a sequel that an adaptation. This may bother a few Alice aficionados, and truthfully frightened me slightly upon first hearing of it, but it leads to a great new story that creates more closure than what was provided by Through the Looking Glass.

From the beginning, Alice is portrayed as being a little odd. She has an active imagination and flouts common tradition. After discovering that she is on the receiving end of an unwanted engagement, she runs off after a curious little rabbit and finds herself tumbling down a large hole. After reaching Underland (as it’s referred to by its residents) she meets a few interesting characters, like Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee and the White Rabbit. They take her to see the Blue Caterpillar, who informs them that this is not “the Alice.” A prophecy states that on the Frabjous Day, ‘Alice’ will be the one to slay the Jabberwocky. It was the White Rabbit’s mission to go top-side and find Alice so that she can fulfill the prophecy.

Most of the Alice In Wonderland lore is well-woven into Tim Burton’s vision. From the meeting of the Mad Hatter and the March Hare, to the introduction of The Cheshire Cat, Burton’s interpretations ring true to the source material. But Burton puts his own twist on things by using some bizarre imagery (a tiny Alice using floating heads as stepping stones to cross a grotesque moat comes to mind). But these are the sorts of things we have come to expect from Tim Burton. He pulls it off quite well.

Much of the film’s success will likely be due to Johnny Depp. In recent memory, Depp has been able to bring depth and charm to even the shallowest of characters. He has even shown audiences that he can play grand and twisted characters like Willy Wonka and Sweeny Todd. So Burton’s choice of Depp as the Mad Hatter seems to make sense. And for the most part, it works. Although there were a few things that I questioned, such as Depp’s numerous outbreaks into a Scottish accent. I assume this was intentional to help drive home the point of just how mad the Hatter is, but most of it seemed unnecessary. I also failed to see the humor in the Hatter’s dance at the end of the film. It worked for Bruce Willis in The Last Boy Scout because of how downplayed and comical it was. But the other characters took the Hatter far too seriously at this point, and it just lacked whatever Burton and the writer were trying to accomplish.

The other actors manage their parts fairly well, although nothing overly spectacular. Helena Bonham Carter really shone as the Red Queen, bringing to life her maniacal instability with aplomb. Anne Hathaway didn’t do much with the role of the White Queen, adding very little other than being a mechanism to move the plot forward. I was slightly surprised to see Crispin Glover in the film, and, in the end, could have done without him. His character served merely as a villainous foil and most likely could have been written out of the script. Alan Rickman and Stephen Fry provide their voice talents to the roles of the Blue Caterpillar and the Cheshire Cat respectively. Though their roles are merely spoken, they manage the characters well and add a little extra credibility to the cast lineup. Mia Wasikowska plays Alice nicely, though she really is up against no other competition in the role.

I can’t comment on the 3D of the film, having seen it in standard 2D, which is fine with me. The fact that so many movies are being released in 3D lately is beginning to annoy me since I see very little redeeming qualities in the choice. I was, however, worried that by seeing Alice In Wonderland in 2D would be just as irritating with all of the distracting 3D elements, but that wasn’t the case. The editors and special effects guys must have done a fantastic job with the 3D so that it doesn’t detract from a standard viewing, and I much appreciate that.

Though not perfect, Alice In Wonderland is a brilliant movie. Guided by Tim Burton’s vision, it’s a fantastic reimagining of the classic tale. Burton weaves the wonderful scenery with some grisly imagery which makes me wonder about its suitability for children; but all in all, the bright colors and wacky characters will manage to draw and hold their attention. If you’re a fan of Burton or the Alice stories, you will enjoy this.

Justice League: Crisis on Two Earths

2010-02-23T15:49:00.009-05:00

Ever since Justice League: The New Frontier, the animated movies from DC have just disappointed me. Don’t get me wrong; I enjoyed them, but they didn’t really live up to my standard or the standard set by New Frontier. However, just as I was beginning to lose faith in DC, they release Justice League: Crisis on Two Earths. While it still doesn’t meet the standard that New Frontier set, Crisis on Two Earths has been the best full-length animated feature DC has put out in a while.

Despite its name, Crisis on Two Earths is loosely based on the 1999 series Earth 2, written by Grant Morrison, as well as a short storyarc from 1964. It was originally planned to be released years ago under the title of World’s Collide and meant to bridge the gap between the television series’ Justice League and Justice League: Unlimited. However, due to staffing issues, it was shelved and later reworked to what we have here.

The story itself is fairly straight forward, serving as little more than a device to string together overblown fight scenes. A heroic Lex Luthor travels through to an alternate Earth to seek help from the Justice League to bring down his world’s Crime Syndicate, whose members happen to be evil versions of the Justice League. However, Crisis gets into some of characterization that was sorely missing from DC’s other animated outings, most specifically with the Batman counterpart, Owlman. Through this character we see the kind of person that Batman could have been, and in many respects should have been, given the trauma of his past. Unfortunately, Owlman is the only character that is privileged with any sort of depth, which is disappointing.

The voice actors were mostly well played. James Woods performed Owlman superbly; though I’m not a fan of Woods, his talent lent a nice touch to the character. William Baldwin also surprised me. Cast as Batman, Baldwin was able to portray the brooding hero as I never expected him to. I’m sad to sad I was disappointed with Mark Harmon. I love Mark Harmon and his work on NCIS, but I don’t think his voice was a good pick for Superman. Though he did what he could with the character, he failed to command the admiration and authority that other actors were able to depict. My favorite, however, was Brian Bloom in the role of Ultraman. With the Crime Syndicate being a super-powered version on the Mafia, Bloom brought the right amount of commanding resonance of Superman with the New Jersey-cynicism of Tony Soprano. A very nice touch indeed.

Where Crisis on Two Earths falls flat is in the characterization. We are given a set of six all-different characters that are similar to heroes we know, but completely different, yet the writers go into no detail about them. DC continues to choose action over exposition and it’s becoming dull. What happened to these characters to make them choose the wrong path? Owlman explains that the multiverse sprang forth from all outcomes of every possible decision; so what decisions did these villains make? Why is Super Woman the psychopath she claims to be? At what point did Ultraman decide that humanity should fear him? Ultraman is the perfect example. Judging by his accent, he more than likely landed on the New Jersey Turnpike as opposed to Smallville, Kansas, and didn’t have the small-town, do-gooder upbringing that Jonathan and Martha Kent could provide. So, what happened to him? The writers don’t care to go into it.

Even though it surpasses the features that preceded it, Justice League: Crisis on Two Earths could have been so much more than what it became. It’s a good movie for anyone who is not a huge fan of the characters (admittedly, myself) to jump on board and enjoy. Since it doesn’t tie into any continuity, viewers aren’t likely to get lost or confused. But this also should have been the excuse the writers needed to actually do something with the characters.

While it was better than the rest, Crisis on Two Earths, for all intents and purposes, should have been better.

DC used the release of Justice League: Crisis on Two Earths to present a sample of their newest series, DC Showcase by adding a short feature of The Spectre to the disc. After everything I’ve seen, I’d have to say that this was a good choice.

The animation for The Spectre is the most interesting thing DC has put out in a while. Clearly styled like a Japanese anime, is has a lot of quick cuts and obscure close-ups. The style also imitated a damaged film reel, with lines, dirt, and watermarks superimposed over the image to make it look much older than it is.

Clearly DC was looking to create some sort of throwback animation, an aspect that shows through the music as well. The soundtrack sounds like it was taken from a Blacksploitation film from the 70s, with some funky reverb straight out of the old-time horror movies. I certainly approve.

The Spectre is also a lot more graphic than I would have expected from a mainstream animation studio like Warner Brothers. It caught me by surprise somewhat, but I liked seeing a grittier side to DC. Judging by this, I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that the PG-13 rating on the disc is because of The Spectre.

The inclusion of The Spectre on Crisis on Two Earths really salvages the special features section, which has been lagging on their past few films. The other special features include first looks at Green Lantern: First Flight and Superman/Batman: Public Enemies (first look? We’ve already seen these) and trailers for Naruto Shippuden: The Movie and Halo Legends (no, thanks). The only other original content is Wonder Woman: The Amazon Princess, which shows a history of the character of Wonder Woman, and a first look at Batman: Under the Red Hood. Judging from this featurette, Under the Red Hood looks awesome. I just hope DC doesn’t screw it up.

Though I would recommend Justice League: Crisis on Two Earths to anyone interested in these kinds of movies, the inclusion of The Spectre really makes the purchase worthwhile.

Shutter Island

2010-02-20T13:45:00.002-05:00

Originally, I was excited to see Shutter Island based on the crew creating it. This isn’t a run-of-the-mill Martin Scorsese movie, which definitely intrigued me. Add to the mix some Leonardo DiCaprio, who I’ve grown to respect over the past couple of years, and Mark Ruffalo, an over-looked, under-respected actor in my opinion, and you have the recipe for a good movie.

And for the most part, Shutter Island was good. Scorsese does a great job building suspense throughout the entire film. He gives his characters understandable motivation, and evokes believable performances from his actors. But even with all of this, something is missing.

DiCaprio plays Teddy Daniels, a detective who goes to Shutter Island, home to a mental hospital for the criminally insane, to investigate a missing persons report. Mark Ruffalo accompanies him as his newly assigned partner. During the investigation, things start getting bizarre for Daniels. He begins to have weird visions/dreams of events that occurred in his past, and these visions begin to take their toll on him physically.

Scorsese makes Daniels an interesting character. As a World War II vet, Daniels has seen some of the most horrifying events. Couple that with the violent death of his wife, and he becomes a tortured man. However, he has a mission that he intends to fulfill at any cost. DiCaprio gives Daniels that touch of human he needs in order to be believable and not just another theatrical caricature.

Shutter Island wasn’t written for a director like Scorsese. Scorsese has managed to make brilliant films from even the most boring premises (has anyone else seen Kundun?) but he lacks something in Shutter Island. Toward the middle of the film, you begin to wonder if it’s Scorsese behind the lens, and by the end of the film, you’re convinced it was actually M. Night Shaymalan. Unfortunately, this is what Shutter Island feels like. The movie thinks it comes to a respectable conclusion, but it doesn’t. Its finale answers questions, but then forces the audience to questions some things that made sense earlier.

While I can’t say that Shutter Island was bad, because I did enjoy the build up and the suspense, I can’t say that it was good, either. It was meant to be the kind of film that makes you say ‘whoa,’ but sadly, it’s a film that makes you say ‘wha…?’

5 Useless Inventions

2010-02-08T19:18:00.010-05:00

Have you ever stayed up late at night watching infomercials on cable? Have you ever seen some of the useless shit out there? I have, and it irritates the hell out of me. Here are the 5 most annoying products being sold on TV.

5: Shoe Stands
While maybe having some validity to help organize the bottom of your closet, Shoe Stands just look ridiculous. While I concede their practicality, I feel that Shoe Stands are more of a nuisance than a help. Imagine having to take something out of your shoe each time you want to wear them. Then, at the end of the day, you have to place the thing back into the shoe. Where do you store that thing until the time you need it again? It’s just too much work just to wear a pair of shoes. Go with the Shoes-Under or one of those things that hang on the back of the closet door with pockets big enough to put the shoes in. This makes more sense to me.

4: Pasta Pronta
The act of boiling water too difficult to master? Like using just one cylindrical tube to make your dinner? Then the Pasta Pronta is for you. Put the pasta in the tube, add boiling water, and dinner is done. Seriously? It’s too difficult to boil the pasta in the water? See, I have to boil the water to add to the tube. So, if I’m boiling the water, I can make the pasta in the water. What do I need the Pasta Pronta for? It seems like a middle man to me. But what if I need to make sauce? I can’t add boiling water to my sauce in the Pasta Pronta; that would water down the sauce and ruin the flavor. So do I need to buy the Sauce Pronta too? How much will this cost me? I mean, besides my self-esteem and rationality. But, if I can’t cook pasta then I must not have these things to begin with.

3: The No-Touch Hand Soap System from Lysol
According to Lysol, makers of quality germ killing products, there are hundreds of bacteria living on my soap dispenser. Their solution to this problem is that I purchase a motion-activated soap dispenser that ensures I don’t have to touch anything and transfer those nasty bacteria to my hands. Is this supposed to make sense? Because it doesn’t. By touching the soap dispenser, I have pretty much committed to the act of washing my hands. Were I to transfer and bacteria to my hands through physical contact with said dispenser, those bacteria would then be killed by that act of washing. So why do I need a touchless soap dispenser? Easy answer; I don’t. This is clearly Lysol’s bid to cash in on the anti-bacteria hype/psychosis spreading throughout the country.

2: The Grill DaddyYet another invention playing on the fears of the American public. The Grill Daddy claims, by filling it with water and spraying it on the grill, that it will sanitize the grill as it cleans away the grime. Now, correct me if I’m wrong (which I am not so there is no need to correct me) but doesn’t water turn to steam at 212 degrees? Meanwhile, a grill can heat to 600 degrees and above. So it is not the steam that sanitizes the grill but the grill that sanitizes the grill. So why does the Grill Daddy insist on misleading me? Yes, it ma clean my grill wonderfully, but don’t lie and say that the steam will sanitize my grill. That’s just wrong.

1: The Snuggie
Yes, I’ll admit there are plenty of good features about the Snuggie. Having your hands free to do things is useful, as opposed to them being trapped under a blanket. So why is it on my list? Because it’s designed to be a backwards bathrobe, a nifty piece of clothing that has been around for years. So what’s the deal with this Snuggie craze? One idiot decides to wear his bathrobe backwards then sells his idiot friends similar bathrobes, instructing them on the intricacies of wearing them backwards? I mean, I guy John Q. Snuggie, or whatever the guy’s name is, all the credit in the world, seeing as how he probably made a mint by reversing an already existing patent. I just wish that people would be able to recognize the Snuggie for what it is.

BONUS USELESS PRODUCT:

Butler Toilet
I don’t even want to know why someone thought of this. Also comes in Flamingo.

Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes

2010-02-06T10:00:00.004-05:00

In November of 2008, Marvel announced to the world that they will be producing a new animated series starring the Avengers. After the last animated Avengers outing, “The Avengers: United They Stand,” it’s difficult to wonder why they would try again. But, with popularity of the Avengers in the comics, as well as the Avengers movie coming in a few short years, it seems Marvel feels that the franchise is strong enough to try again.

I think they are right. It seems that they are putting a lot of effort into Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes, as it’s officially being called. For starters, Marvel is taking a lot better care of their animated properties. Just look at Wolverine and the X-Men, for example. The animation is much more fluid and cleaner than in past incarnations. And the storylines are more comprehensive, being more exciting and attention-grabbing, as well as staying open-ended enough to add possible details in the future. Past cartoon shows were just entertaining for a half-hour, and left it at that. But now, Marvel wants to give viewers a reason to tune in next week, which is a model that I enjoy.

Secondly, Marvel decided to stick with the core team of Avengers. Avengers: United They Stand was full of B- and C-list team members; basically, characters that the audience couldn’t really care about. Wonder Man? Vision? Yeah, these are the faces the fans like, but your not gonna get a lot of newer viewership with characters no one knows about. But Earth’s Mightiest Heroes takes a different turn. The team consists of Captain America, Iron Man, Thor, Giant Man, Wasp, and the Hulk. All of Marvel’s heavy hitters. And though I’ve said in the past that I’m getting tired of the Hulk, I think he will be a good fit here.

Take a look at the trailer for the show.

The animation looks good. Nothing spectacular, but definitely on par with Wolverine and the X-Men, which is a style that I’m pleased with. There’s been talk that the core team will consist of 8 Avengers, but the trailer only shows us six. I’m excited to see who else will round everything out. I would like to see Hawkeye and Black Widow.

I’m not sure how Marvel will approach their storytelling style on this show. I would like to see as a serial drama, with a deep, over-reaching story arch weaving its way through each episode. But if they decide to go with full-encapsulated, half-hour long stories, I hope they treat the show like DC treated Justice League: Unlimited. If they story is being told in thirty minutes, there’s no need to be concerned with continuity. Introduce new characters. Have a villain blow up a building. Ignore everything and make it fun. Granted, I don’t prefer this style, but if I’m stuck with it, I want it to be fun.

Anyway, I’m very excited for Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes. From the looks of the trailer, it’s a show I can get behind. I’m glad to see that Marvel is upping their game in the animation department. They are really giving DC a run for their money.

Smallville: Absolute Justice not absolute.

2010-02-05T23:17:00.008-05:00

Though I haven’t watched Smallville in about 3 years, I was totally excited when I saw the commercial for the two-hour Absolute Justice special. What excited me the most was the possibility of seeing all of the super heroes, the entirety of the Justice Society of America, in action in the span of two hours.

Well, I didn’t get that.

Absolute Justice was written by Geoff Johns, an excellent choice for the special since he began writing the JSA comic in 2000. Since then, Johns has worked on a plethora of comics for DC, including The Flash and Green Lantern. The irony of this is that neither of these characters, in either their Golden Age or Modern versions makes an appearance in Absolute Justice, much to my chagrin.

The episode begins with the murder of two people, who appear to have some kind of connection with each other, but not much else. As Clark and Chloe do their research, they discover a team of “criminals,” whose ranks include the two dead guys. They call upon Oliver Queen to help dig a little deeper, and find that they have discover may not be the full truth.

The search leads to Carter Hall and his not-right-in-the-head friend, Kent Nelson. Hall runs a museum of some sort, though one can pretty much guess what it contains way before the big reveal later (it was in the commercials, remember.) Hall is pursued by Courtney Whitmore, a pesky blonde girl who has some sort of connection to one of the dead guys. At this point, things are a little cloudy, but everything gets explained in time.

Carter Hall is Hawkman. Kent Nelson is Dr. Fate. Courtney Whitmore is Stargirl. All of them are annoying in their own right, but some less than others.

Hawkman plays a central role in the episodes. As the original leader of the JSA, Hawkman is the most conflicted as to the decision to get the team back together. He feels guilty for the deaths of Sandman and the Star Spangled Kid. After all, he ignored their warnings of the return of one of their enemies. Hawkman also feels guilty over the death of his wife, Hawkgirl. He chooses to air his guilt in the form of raspy speech and stupid one-liners (“Revenge is a dish best served cold.” Really? You’re going to dredge up that old line?) And even though is delivery is more annoying than Tom Welling’s jaw-clenching in almost every episode, I have to say that Hawkman was played rather well. In the comics, Hawkman is an arrogant dick. Well, he’s the same here. So, all in all, this was rather spot-on.

Dr. Fate, on the other hand, was nothing but irritating. He speaks in the cryptic tones about everyone’s involvement in the future. He serves very little to the storyline besides convincing Clark to don the mantle of Superman (not in so many words, mind you) and to open a few doors with his spectacular powers. OK, maybe he does a little more than that, but not much. Even if I wanted to, I wouldn’t have been able to stifle a smile after he took an icicle through the chest.

He looked stupid, too. The design team takes artistic license when it comes to the costumes. Green Arrow has a very sleek look. They outfitted Clark in an all-black number, a far cry from his blue and reds. Even tertiary characters like Black Canary are given slight makeovers so as not to come off as tacky. So why directly translate Dr. Fate’s look straight from the comics? The helmet looked good, I’ll grant that. But the rubber suit and cape? It really gave me flashbacks to Shuemacher’s Batman and Robin.

Surprisingly, Stargirl was the least annoying of the JSA. Headstrong and impetuous, she was everything that I expected her to be. She had quite a bit of dialogue, but not enough to give her an excuse to formulate a particular speech pattern, which kept the frustration to a minimum.

Johns chose these characters for a reason, but these weren’t the characters I wanted to see. What I wanted were the more commercial characters, like Flash or the Green Lantern. Hell, I would have taken Wildcat or the Spectre. Sadly, none of these guys make a super hero appearance, but the gears start turning for a possible future development. And, to be fair, I’m not going to complain about the lack of characters. I do understand that to have twenty super powered people would be severe overkill. Including the entirety of the JSA, as well as Clark’s team? I wouldn’t even want to think of the carnage.

Most of the story fit into place. Johns does a fantastic job of creating a noir-style whodunit mystery for Clark, Chloe, and Oliver to muddle through. What I especially liked was the way the fall of the super heroes back in the day paid homage to the fall of the super heroes from DC’s Watchmen. Johns does well having Hawkman struggle with his guilt, paralleling him with Clark and the differences in leadership. Johns even wraps up the Icicle storyline nicely, and how the death of Dr. Fate basically means nothing. But he does bring up a number of questions.

First of all, what is Checkmate? As I admitted earlier, I haven’t watched the show for almost 3 years, so this may have been something that I missed. But, from the set-up, it doesn’t seem like it. So how does this secret group fit into the future? And when did Foxy Brown put on all of that weight?

I know it sounds like I’m tearing Absolute Justice apart, but I’m really not. I have a few issues with it, but I did enjoy it. Of course, it was corny, but, so far, the entire series of Smallville has been corny. I like how they decided to take the risks by adding the other super heroes into the mix. And I can’t wait to see where the writers go after this, and who else they will introduce. Will I finally be placated with The Flash or Green Lantern?

I frigging hope so.

Planet Hulk and the future of Marvel Animation

2010-02-02T21:24:00.005-05:00

Marvel has hit quite a few homeruns with their direct-to-DVD animated movies over the past few years. Starting with the Ultimate Avengers films, through Iron Man, and Hulk Vs., it seems like Marvel keeps upping the ante with each consecutive movie. Their latest outing is Planet Hulk, an animated interpretation of the comic storyline of the same name.

I started this post with the intention of giving a review of the movie, but, as I wrote, I found myself at a loss for words. This isn’t because I have no opinion on the film. Anyone who knows me knows that I have an opinion on most everything. And while I did enjoy Planet Hulk, I don’t feel it’s as good as some of the previous Marvel animation movies.

Anyway, I found myself being pulled more toward writing about how I am tired of the Hulk. I know that he is one of Marvel’s more popular characters, but it seems he has been the focus of most of their latest animated movies. He was in the first Ultimate Avengers movie. He made a major appearance in Next Avengers. Hulk Vs pretty much speaks for itself.

Now, I’ll admit, I’m not a fan of the Hulk. I’ve read a bunch of the comics. I’ve seen the movies. I know the origin. But he’s just not a character I can get behind. (Although, the Planet Hulk movie did get me interested in the comic, so I will check that out some time in the future.)

Marvel has so many characters at their disposal, but they keep choosing to showcase the Hulk. I can understand why, but I want something different. I would love to see some X-Men or Spider-Man stories, but Marvel probably won’t do something like that. Spidey and the X-Men both manage to be successful with half-hour cartoon series’ so there is no point to showcase them in animated films. Hulk and the Avengers, on the other hand, have been proven to be less successful in the Saturday Morning venue.

There are likely legal reasons why Marvel won’t make animated movies based on Spider-Man or the X-Men. While I am not 100% sure of this, nor am I knowledgeable of things such as movies rights, I feel this is a major factor in the issue. (I would love an X-Babies movie. Please, please, please that would be so awesome.)

But, Marvel has an entire library of characters to choose from. Why not do something a little different? They took a chance by giving Dr. Strange his own full-length film. Yes, Dr. Strange is one of Marvel’s oldest characters, and while he does have a decent fan base, he isn’t very popular. So why not take a chance on another character?

Moon Knight certainly deserves his own movie. He has a rich background and is a very interesting character, and the recent revival by Charlie Huston gave him an edge and showed how marketable he can be. Though the new Moon Knight is extremely violent, it wouldn’t be anything that Marvel couldn’t pull off. Between Planet Hulk and Hulk Vs, I think Marvel would be willing to tackle some of that violence. Most people think of Moon Knight as a Batman knock-off, but perhaps a film can prove them wrong. By delving into the issue of multiple personalities and how it affects his relationships, Moon Knight can have a depth that Batman never had.

Another adaptation I want is Cloak and Dagger. I know I’m definitely in the minority here, but Cloak and Dagger are two of my favorite Marvel characters for reasons I can’t explain. Though their history has been little more than a PSA for drug awareness, Cloak and Dagger have an intensity that hasn’t been fully evolved yet. Their main goal is to fight back at the people who hurt them, the people who gave them their powers through the experimental drugs. They don’t ask for help from anyone and would rather become fugitives than team players. Though they treat each other as siblings, there’s a weird sexual tension to their relationship. Cloak and Dagger have starred in some shitty stories in the past, like when a police officer becomes a ghost and helps them take down a drug cartel. But, given the right writer, there could be some substance to the characters, not only in a film but also the comics. If Marvel were to make a movie, and make it good, they could revitalize their property in the comics, and open the characters to a new audience.

I want to see Marvel take a few chances. Yes, they won’t do anything if there isn’t the possibility of profit. But, let’s be honest; they took a chance with Next Avengers. They introduced a bunch of new characters with only Iron Man and the Hulk to tie them together. While it didn’t do as well as their other movies, the DVD grossed over $3 million in sales, which isn’t bad for a completely new idea. (Meanwhile, Dr. Strange, a character almost as old as Spider-Man, grossed $3.8 million.) Would it make sense for Marvel to try something different rather than dredge up the same old characters time and again? I certainly think so. Not everyone will be interested in the Hulk. Or Thor. Or even the Avengers. While these movies are made for the fans, there is also the opportunity to convert a non-fan or two. Why wouldn’t they take that chance?

Witch and Wizard by James Patterson

2010-01-23T12:34:00.005-05:00

A couple weeks ago, my girlfriend decided to pick up James Patterson’s new novel, Witch and Wizard on a whim. She finished it in a matter of two days and, since I had nothing to do, I picked it up to read.

In a way, I wish I hadn’t.

From the very beginning I had a difficult time figuring out if Patterson is making fun of the other magic-themed books out there, such as the Harry Potter series, or if he is trying to cash in on the phenomenon with no clue on how to go about doing that. Having Patterson’s name on the cover lent it some credence and I truly believed that it would be good. But after reading the first couple of chapters, I had a difficult time believing that Patterson wrote it.

OK. Get ready for some angry spoilers.

The book starts In Media Res with the Allgood family (seriously? That’s your symbolism?) about to be executed for the crime of being a wizarding family. Patterson then takes the time to flashback to the events that brought his characters to this situation. This wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for the fact that the ending had absolutely nothing to do with this beginning. Yes, Patterson eventually revisits this point in time, despite having skipped over a couple years from the end of the narrative. However, when he does return to the execution scene, he decides to give the reader a life lesson instead of a story, as if he suddenly changed his name to Aesop.

The second major flaw with Witch and Wizard is that it is told from two perspectives. The narration cuts between the brother/sister team of Whit and Wisty. Sadly, they both sound exactly the same. Patterson must have realized this at some point in his writing process because he chose to designate each chapter by its narrator. I couldn’t help but to think of how incredibly lame this made him seem. Patterson’s dialogue is also ridiculous. Unless teenage girls in the 21st century still use the phrase “far out.”

Patterson introduces characters without giving us any reason to care for or revile them. One example of this is the Byron character, who is clearly an antagonist, but later goes on to help Whit and Wisty. His motivation for changing sides was nothing more than being changed into a weasel, which makes the reader leery of his intentions, until they realize that Patterson hasn’t put anything else forward to show that he is actually a bad guy, other than Whit and Wisty not liking him. And this type of characterization plays out with all of the secondary characters, making the betrayal of the siblings later in the novel by someone they trusted completely not shocking.

If Patterson is trying to create a new magical series to cash in on the genre’s popularity, which is all this book feels like, then he needs to figure out how to do it properly. I doubt he is going to open himself up to new readers if he insists on writing as if they are morons, as he has done in Witch and Wizard. I do believe that the premise of the novel could have been good, but his execution is insulting. He blurs over plot points and instead concentrates his efforts on making up a new, “witty” language to separate his characters from the hundreds of other similar books out there. I would have liked to have some more backstory on how the New Order became to be so powerful, but all the reader is given is that they were elected into power. Why does The One Who Is The One have the abilities that he does, and why is he persecuting magical beings when it seems like he, himself, is magical? We get none of these answers, Instead, Patterson makes a huge production of events that the reader has realized fifty chapters earlier (“You mean that magical drumstick is really a magic wand? And that magical book is really a magical book? Wow, Mr. Patterson, I would never have understood that without your needlessly sentimental ending!”)

Now, I know that there is nothing I can say about Witch and Wizard that will affect its sales in any way. Hell, James Patterson could bind his used toilet paper between a hardcover and it will spend at least 14 weeks on the New York Times Best Sellers list. Like I said earlier, the only way this book can be enjoyed is if you take it to be farcical rather than serious. Sadly, with the tagline on the dust jacket that reads “this is the story I was born to tell,” I don’t think Patterson meant it that way. I just wish he had had more respect for his audience and for the genre writers that came before him before sitting down to tell this story. The public is, clearly, more intelligent than he gives them credit for. A word of advice for Mr. Patterson; stick to Alex Cross. You’ve got a winning formula there.

1000 Blank White Cards

2009-11-16T09:52:00.003-05:00

1000 Blank White Cards is a new and interesting type of card game, one that I’m certain you have never played before. It’s not your regular, run-of-the-mill playing card game either; the rules are quite different, in the sense that there are no rules.

Despite the lack of rules, the game itself is easy to play. First, the host of the party buys a pack of index cards, lined or unlined, it doesn't matter. Then, five cards and a pen or pencil are passed out to each player. The players create cards, add them to the deck, and the deck gets dealt again to each player to start the game.

I know what you’re thinking; “How do I create a card?” Well, it’s easy. The card has three components; a Title, a picture, and a purpose. The title can be anything from fun to serious. The picture can be stick figures or a Renoir painting (it's not about drawing ability.) And the purpose explains what the card's function is. For example, you can create a card called "MONKEY ON THE LOOSE," draw a picture of a monkey and state, "A wild monkey steals your cards. Discard one random card." Easy, right?

There are three different types of cards, and the category of card determines the rules of the game. Point cards are the most important aspect of the game, since the points determine the winner of the game. Points can be in any denomination, from one to 1,000,000,000, but, remember, that points can be changed, or even erased with the next type of card.

Event cards change the way the game is played. This can be something simple, like changing the order of turn from clockwise to counter-clockwise, or it can be as complex as making the person with the longest last name to play the cards of the person on their left, thus switching all players’ hands.

The final category of card is the challenge card. These cards allow players to challenge others with the winner receiving more points, free turns, or, for card creators who are really daring, the end of the game. The challenge can occur on any battlefield, depending on how the card is made, and can include, but is not limited to, a footrace around the house, a musical pop quiz, or a deathmatch in Halo.

The game ends when one player has no cards left in their hand. The winner is decided by the tally of points and the player with the highest points wins the game. However, that can change if the players desires it to, or a particular event card has been created.

At the end of the game, the community of players votes on the best cards from the deck. They can decide on a number of cards to keep, and these are added to the deck for the next time. However, upon the start of the next game, players make three cards each instead of five (but they can make five each if all players decide to.)

1000 Blank White Cards is a great party game that can have an unlimited number of players. What also makes the game is that no two games are ever the same. The rules change each time, and with it the fun factor changes. And, in case anyone 21 years old or older was wondering, yes, this can be made into a drinking game.

Looking for a new Television provider?

2009-11-03T19:47:00.001-05:00

I watch a lot of television; it’s one of my weaknesses and it always has been. Last year, I had to trudge my way through living a life with no television, mostly because I couldn’t afford it. But now, just for kicks, I decided to do a little research on television packages and I came across something surprising. I never realized that Direct TV was so inexpensive.

When I lived at home with my mother, we had Direct TV. The service was great. The channels came in clear all the time, and the service isn’t as finicky as people say. And, keep in mind this was almost five years ago, so imagine how much the service has improved since then. But one of the reasons I couldn’t get Direct TV is because the apartment complex I was living in wouldn’t allow individual satellite dishes. But if they did, I would have jumped on these Direct TV Deals. These prices are great, and would have fit into my budget.

Check out some of the Direct TV Packages you can choose from. You can get 150 channels for less than $30 a month. There’s also a package with more than 200 channels, plus an HD DVR that’s only $50 a month. I could have easily trimmed fifty bucks from my spending to pay for this, if it was allowed to have satellite.

If you are in the market for a new TV service, I would highly recommend checking out these Direct TV Offers. With everything they have to choose from, you are bound to find something to fit your television habits and your wallet.

Some Halloween entertainment for you...

2009-10-31T17:18:00.002-04:00

A strange thing happened at work…

2009-10-29T19:39:00.004-04:00

In case you didn’t know, I work in an office supply store. It’s a pretty large chain and I’d rather not mention the name of the company because I am unsure of how, if at all, I might create a conflict of interest by having a personal blog. But yesterday, something odd happened to me and I felt compelled to write about it.

To start, if you’ve ever worked in retail, then you know about the concept of Plan-O-Grams. Now, a Plan-O-Gram, or POG, is a way for a large retail company to set up their stores so that store employees do not have to think about things like merchandising. In fact, retail chains would rather not have them think about anything at all; they do this so that they can hire inexperienced people and pay them much less than what an experienced counterpart would make. And my store Plan-O-Grams everything from the shelves in the aisles to the drawers of the registers. It’s really ridiculous and doesn’t have much to do with the story, but I felt it necessary to say so that it explains my next sentence.

I was working on the pen and pencil POG (see?) and I was approached by a customer. He started asking me some questions about our fancy house brand of pens. How do they write? Are they anything like the Papermates? Now, I know a bit about pens, and about the particular brand he was asking about, so I answered his questions as honestly as I could. (“Well, it’s our brand of pen so it’s mostly made cheaply for a higher mark-up, but it’s pretty decent besides that.”)

I walk the customer to the register to show him a one of our display pens of that brand so he can see how it writes. While we were up there he asked about the new Post-It pens that have adhesive flags in the barrel. He was surprised to see that Post-It was making pens, and asked for some more information. I showed him the packs of the pens and highlighters, and this is when he told me that he invented a new kind of pen.

OK. This is where the situation deviated from my usual encounters with customers. (“What kind of ink do I need for my printer?” “What model of printer do you have?” “I don’t know.”)

The customer’s main purpose of coming into the store was to find information on pen manufacturers and see what kind of competition he would have. After I showed him the Post-It pens, he pulled out his BlackBerry and copied down the company address written on the back of the package. When he finished, he looked at me and basically asked me “What else you got?”
We walked back to the pen aisle and I began showing him the other pens we had. I started with the new Sharpie pens, mostly because I really like writing with them. He copied do that information and looked around. He said he already contacted Papermate, Bic, and Zebra. So I began looking around trying to find what other pens we carried.

Now, most of this story is pretty repetitive with me showing him pens and him copying the information. But the guy was quite impressed with the how I was able to show him a bunch of different things and explain the types of products the company produces. (Like TerraCycle, a company that makes all different products from recycled shit, like wall clocks made out of records.)

So I basically showed the guy practically every pen we carry, as well as a few pencils, so I walk back with him to the cash register so he can purchase the pack of pens he was originally looking at. I wish him luck on his endeavor and walk away and he catches up to me to ask me a strange question.

“Did you ever consider learning more about pens and the history and quality of different pens?”
Well, I have to admit that I hadn’t. He then goes on to talk about Mont Blanc, a company that produces very high end pens, most of which sell in the range of $100 to $300, even up to $1,000. He suggested that I dress really nicely and look around a Mont Blanc store and find out a little bit about them. Apparently, selling pens can be a lucrative career and, based on the way I was able to help him in his task, he felt that I had the knowledge and expertise to be able to sell Mont Blanc.

My job is what I would classify as a dead-end job. I’ve been there for almost two years and there is no room for advancement unless I’m willing to move out of state (which I am not.) I also hate the way that I have a college education and I’m stuck in a position where I am not using my knowledge. Never once, in the last 20 months, have I considered that what I learned in my job could be applied to any other career. This customer is the first person to make me realize that this isn’t necessarily true. That’s not to say I’m going to put in some resumes to a Mont Blanc store, mostly because I hate sales (“Are you gonna buy the fucking pen or not?”) But it was validating to see that a stranger felt I had a semblance of intelligence, despite the fact that I work in retail.

Halloween Is Right Around the Corner...

2009-10-24T12:38:00.005-04:00

And you know what that means? Special Halloween episodes of your favorite television shows. Unfortunately I don’t find today’s television to be as entertaining as it has been in the past, so I decided to do a little searching for some classic Halloween episodes on the internet.

YouTube may have started, but Hulu perfected it. Now, there are thousands of Online TV Shows all over the internet, and more and more websites are offering free television. The good people at Spreety have asked me to let you all know that they are gearing up for Halloween. They have created a list of classic Halloween television shows, including It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown, as well as Halloween-themed episodes from past TV series such as Friends and Beverly Hills, 90210. They have also included the greatest movie of all time on their Halloween list, Ghostbusters.

If you’re in the mood for some television spook-tacular, Spreety has compiled all of these shows onto one handy page, which you can find here. So this Halloween, try to find some time between costume shopping and handing out candy to check out a couple of these gems.

(sponsored post)

I Miss Rock Climbing.

2009-10-19T23:28:00.005-04:00

Anyone who knows me may find this strange to hear, seeing as how I’m a lazy lump and abhor anything requiring physical exertion, but I actually miss going rock climbing.

Now, I was never a hardcore climber. I have never climbed an actual “rock” but I did frequent a rock-climbing gym down in South Jersey. And I had a great time whenever I went. I got pretty good at it, too. I got myself up to climbing a 5.8, though I pretty much plateaued at that point. But it was something that I was proud of myself for.

Like I said, I’ve never been very physical in nature. I played soccer and baseball when I was seven, but I was terrible at those sports. Like, seriously, really bad. My lack of coordination and skills at sports is probably a couple of the reasons I never bothered with sports. But when my friends introduced me to rock climbing almost 6 years ago, I took to it with a passion. It was a way for me to work out and not have to worry about looking like an epileptic.

Don’t get me wrong; I’m not trying to imply that it doesn’t take skills to go rock climbing. It does. And that’s the reason I never got past climbing a 5.8. (For those of you who don’t know rock climbing terms, a 5.8 refers to the Yosemite Decimal System, a way of grading inclines for climbing. Anything lower than a 4 is basically walking or hiking, and a 5 or higher is rock climbing. The 5 class is broken down to designate difficulty of climb. The scale goes up to, as far as I’ve seen, 5.12, but usually, 5.10 and higher are broken down even further, added a, b, c, etc., with each extra difficulty.)

One of the toughest things about rock climbing is the first climb. I’ve never been a fan of heights, so when I hit the wall for the first time, I felt a bit of vertigo. Hanging twenty feet in the air was enough to make my head spin, and I was only halfway to the top. I gave up on that climb, and eventually gathered the nerve to try again. Pretty soon, I was trying walls and climbs that I thought I never would.

What I liked most about rock climbing was the workout. Since it takes so much upper body strength, I managed to work out my triceps, and for once in my life, I was proud of the way my arms looked. My biggest regret is that I have lost a lot of that muscle tone since then.
You’re probably wondering why I don’t stop complaining and join the gym again. Well, it’s a monetary reason, you know. I had a membership to a rock-climbing gym and, for the most part, I got my money’s worth. But life sprang up, time became sparse, and I went less and less. In the meantime, I lost some friends to accompany me. Rock climbing isn’t something you can do by yourself. Though there are quite a few friendly people that hang around the gym and are willing to belay your climb, I find it more comforting to go with someone I know and trust. Even though my friends have dropped me a couple of times, they have only done that because they are assholes and has little to do my trust in them.

I’ve pretty much decided that when my money situation settles itself, I will take up rock climbing again. I can probably find someone to go with me. My girlfriend isn’t into climbing, but maybe I can convince her to just stand there and belay me the whole time. If you’re interested, and live near Trenton, NJ, check out Rockville Climbing Center. The people there are really nice and they have some great rocks and a good climbing environment. Unfortunately, I know of no other rock-gyms, but a quick Google search will help you to find one close to you. I recommend everyone try rock climbing at least once in their lifetime. It can be a fun and rewarding experience.

New Rumors About Batman 3

2009-09-30T14:28:00.005-04:00

Last night I watched The Dark Knight for probably the 47th time. I have thought that that movie was amazing since the first time that I saw it. Everything about it is pretty much perfect. The writing. The direction. The acting. All of it was spot on, and it all came together to make a great film. I have to give credit to Christopher Nolan for revitalizing the Batman franchise and making it respectable again.

There is one thing that bothered me about the movie, though. Everyone was awestruck by Heath Ledger’s performance as the Joker (he apparently won 32 Best Supporting Actor awards for his work in the role). Now, these accolades are deserved; Ledger did a fantastic job portraying the psychotic criminal who brings chaos to Gotham. But no one recognizes Aaron Eckhart and his work as Harvey Dent. To be fair, I can understand why people paid more attention to Ledger than to Eckhart. Heath Ledger had done so much in the way of preparation and getting inside the head of the Joker that he killed himself over it. Eckhart didn’t have that kind of dedication to the character (luckily) but that didn’t detract from his performance.

As Harvey Dent, Eckhart exuded a sense of pride and ambition. Gotham City is his home and he would do whatever it took to clean it up and make it safe. He even goes so far as to partner with a wanted vigilante to obtain his goals. When he is pushed to the edge and becomes Two-Face, you can understand the lengths he goes to bring the guilty to justice. Eckhart brings a notion of believability to the role. When confronted by the Joker in the hospital, he is told introduce some chaos to the mix. But Harvey, as a man of the law, cannot do that simply. He knows that he pledged his life to upholding the law, but he so wants the people who killed his love to pay. So what does he do? He finds his own justice, in the form of his coin.

Harvey Two-Face goes out on a tear, finding the people responsible for killing his fiancé. True to his new form of justice, some of them live and some of them die. By the end of the film, he has Batman and Gordon cornered, pleading for the lives of Gordon’s young son. But they two prevail against the one, and Dent is taken out, but supposedly still alive. So, in terms of the film, where do they go from here?

After The Dark Knight came out, there was talk that Nolan wasn’t finished with the Joker, and that he had planned to include him in the third installment of the series. But after Ledger’s death, I doubt that would happen; Nolan isn’t likely to recast the role after Ledger’s outstanding performance. However, I wouldn’t mind seeing Two-Face in the third film. Nolan tied The Dark Knight with Batman Begins with a small cameo by Cillian Murphy reprising his role as Scarecrow. Maybe Nolan can do something like this with Two-Face, but with a larger role. Harvey Dent fell so far from grace in The Dark Knight, but that doesn’t necessarily mean he has hit the bottom yet. They can take a page from ”Batman: The Animated Series,” with the rehabilitation of Harvey Dent, who will undergo experimental surgery to fix his face. But, the Two-Face personality has such a strong hold on Dent’s psyche that he sets up his own kidnapping and “saves himself.” I’m sure Nolan can write it much better and more compelling than I can, and I certainly would like to see Eckhart reprise his role.

Concerning the other villains in the movie, recently the rumor mill started turning with noise about Johnny Depp and the Riddler and Phillip Seymour Hoffman as the Penguin. One of those two rumors has since been proven false, but maybe that’s for the best. Perhaps these two characters aren’t the best choice for the third film. These villains have had their time in the films, but maybe it would be better to give some others a chance to shine.

Look at what Nolan did with Batman Begins. The Scarecrow and Ra’s al Ghul. Two relatively unknown villains given the spotlight, and their inclusion worked. Batman Begins was another well put together Batman movie, and the best of all of them up until The Dark Knight. And I understand that the Joker and Two-Face are two of Batman’s most famous foes, which may have led to The Dark Knight being such a success, but with Batman’s rogues gallery, why not pick someone else?

The one villain I would love to see would be Clayface. Modern computer effects can handle the character with no problem, and his backstory is quite compelling, but I doubt that it would ever happen. It seems like they have been choosing enemies that are reality-based, which explains why the Heath ledger wore makeup instead of having permanent skin discoloration. Clayface, however, is a character based in fantasy, and their suspension of belief would be too much. By this rationale, we can also rule out Killer Croc.

Another bad guy I would like to see would be The Mad Hatter. The idea of mind control would be an interesting subplot, the way Carmine Falcone was handled in Batman Begins. However, The Hatter’s modus operandi is very similar to the Scarecrow's, so much of it may be a rehash.

Maybe they can re-introduce the crime bosses to Gotham. Maxie Zeus and Black Mask would be two perfect characters to bring into this mix. With most of the mob being chased from Gotham, two small time bosses with “a flair for the dramatics” move in with an eye to take things over. The citizens of Gotham get caught in the mix, and they both have the ambition to take down Batman. Throw in Scarface and the Ventriloquist, and you’ve got a three-way war. Black Mask would also be a good foil to Bruce Wayne, and not just the Batman. But again, they’ve done the organized crime things, in both films, and may want to avoid it for the third.

Though I would love to see Harley Quinn on the big screen, it seems unlikely to happen. Without her relationship with the Joker, her character would be far different, and would just seem too different. So unless they do recast the Joker, this one probably won’t happen.

And let’s not forget about Hush. With vendettas against both Batman and Bruce Wayne, it is likely that Hush could hold the entire film himself. Even though Batman hasn’t faced off against only one bad guy since Jack Nicholson, it could certainly be done.

These are just a few of the characters that Batman can face off against in the third film. The Riddler and the Penguin have already had big-screen portrayals in the past, though they weren’t very good. Don’t get me wrong; Christopher Nolan would undoubtedly do justice to these two villains, unlike what was done by Joel Shumacher and Tim Burton. But I would love to see some fresh blood introduced into the Batman films. There are so many good characters that are unknown by the public, and most of them deserve the fame.

The Writing of Dan Brown

2009-09-25T11:29:00.002-04:00

It took me much longer than usual to finish Dan Brown’s newest novel, The Lost Symbol. This is not a reflection of the content of the book; in fact, it was a busier than usual schedule that prevented me from reading as much as I wanted to. I thought the book was great. It was very much in the same vein as Angels and Demons and The Da Vinci Code. Brown has a knack for writing historical fiction and making it quite riveting. They way he twists quantifiable truth with fictional accounts is amazing. This is probably why it takes him so long to write his novels (his last book, The Da Vinci Code, was published in 2003, and I cannot even imagine the amount of research that goes into each book.

This post was meant to be a review of The Lost Symbol, but I realized that I’m not intelligent enough to dissect the entire novel after only one read through. I am also not intelligent enough to deconstruct Dan Brown’s writing and criticize his sentence structure and prose. Anyway, that would just be unfair; considering this website, Dan Brown is an easy target for this kind of critique.

Personally, I feel that judging Dan Brown this harshly is unwarranted.

Granted, Brown is not the best writer. His use of prose is clumsy at times and he misuses words in different contexts. Brown will never be compared to Hemmingway in a contest of famous authors. But Brown can do one thing that Hemmingway couldn’t; sell 2 million copies of a book in a single week. Clearly, Brown doesn’t write because he wants to leave an undying, flawless piece of art with the world. He writes because he has a story to tell and wants to make money at the same time.

What is wrong with that?

Geoffrey Pullum, a linguistics professor in Edinburgh, really tears into The Da Vinci Code in this article here. And he has many valid points. He also concedes the fact that nothing he says will be able to harm Brown or his career, which is another valid point. So why bother? The Da Vinci Code sold nearly 40 million copies worldwide since its release. Apparently, there are 40 million people who were willing to put up with “bad” writing for an enjoyable storyline. So what was the purpose of writing a scathing article about Dan Brown and his writing style?

Maybe because The Da Vinci Code sold over 40 million copies worldwide?

I think that Pullum harbors a little resentment against Brown because of his success. Here, Pullum sees an author who has no grasp of proper writing, a boatload of books. Meanwhile, Pullum himself faces everyday educating the minds of authors as to give them the tools to avoid the kind of clumsy, erratic writing that Brown has turned into a victory. It’s the kind of thing that makes you question if what you are doing serves any point in the long run.

Yes, most of Pullum’s criticisms are justified. The craft of writing is an objective task, and talent can be measured by a set of rules created by linguists from a long time ago. But Pullum also attacks the plot as being “ridiculous” and the puzzles as “stupid.” And here is where Pullum is completely wrong. Pullum may be a more adept reader than the general public, including me. He may have been able to see the plot-holes and puzzle answers from the moment they were introduced, but a simple person like me found them to be intriguing.

It seems to me that Geoffrey Pullum is a condescending writer who dislikes whatever fails to measure up to his standards. For many people, though, reading is not an idea of finding perfect syntax and sentence structure; it’s about drawing away from the real world and escaping into fantasy for a while. I congratulate Dan Brown’s success as a writer without any sort of writing talent. To be quite honest, it’s something that I hope to do one day.

One of the funniest thing I have ever seen.

2009-09-21T13:59:00.004-04:00

During half-time of last nights Giants/Cowboys game (the outcome of which I wholly approved of), my friends showed me something they found on the Internet. A description does it absolutely no justice. All I can do is share it with the rest of you.

I grew up in the 80s, and "Total Eclipse of the Heart" will always be embedded in my brain from so many hearings. And I have probably seen the video for the song, with MTV being a prominent part of my childhood. But I believe my psyche has blocked out the amazingly gay and asinine imagery of that video. Luckily, however, that imagery makes this video so Goddamn funny.

The Exiles

2009-09-04T12:03:00.002-04:00

I first started collecting comic books in 1990, at the tender age of 10. What got me into the hobby was the Marvel Trading Cards series that was released that year. I remember how all of the kids in elementary school went crazy for those cards, and if you had one of the special holographic cards, then you were crowned king of the playground. So naturally, my affinity went towards the Marvel side of the comic spectrum, because of all of the character information I had become privy to.

Collecting has been my hobby almost non-stop for the past 19 years. I say almost because there was a time around 2000 when I fell out of it. I had found myself spending so much on comics a month that it broke me, mentally and financially. I didn’t have the heart to go to a comic shop and pass over so many titles that I felt I needed. So I stopped going altogether. My absence lasted about two years, but within those two years I missed quite a bit. One of the most note-worthy events was Grant Morrison’s phenomenal run on the X-Men, which I am still in the process of finding the back issues for. But there was one title that I hadn’t heard of before; one that intrigued me to no end. The Exiles.

I was interested in the Exiles mostly because of Blink. I had been a fan of Blink since the Age of Apocalypse storyline. What got me about her was that she is a fragile character, and a badass to boot. So seeing her in a new monthly title was just the kind of thing I needed to drag me back into my old hobby. But there was so much else that kept me coming back. Morph’s poorly-timed comedic interventions. The aspect of parallel worlds. Seeing familiar characters with vastly different personalities. There was enough material in the Exiles to grab me and hold me.

Until the series ended.

Well, the series didn’t end. It was rebooted.

Before the end of the first series, Chris Claremont was brought in to write the book. He got rid of a few of the current characters, and brought in some new ones, one of whom was the X-Woman, Psylocke. Here is my first sign of annoyance. Since Claremont came back to writing for Marvel, it is clear that he is in love with Psylocke. Like, seriously in love. Claremont has brought Psylocke back from the dead I don’t know how many times, but so far she is putting Jean Grey to shame. And to bring her aboard Exiles was just strange to me. I have never had a problem with Psylocke and I think that she is a good character, but Claremont was just overusing her and it became noticeable.

Another problem I had with Claremont’s run, especially the New Exiles title, was Sage. Sage had been a constant with the X-Men for quite some time, and a regular during the Claremont title X-Treme X-Men. Now, here she comes to the Exiles, and most of the time she is battling with herself and the effects of Roma’s memories that have been imprinted on her brain. This happened so often that it was just too much, and quickly brought the title down even further.
I wasn’t surprised to find that New Exiles had been cancelled. But I was surprised, and happy, to find that Exiles had been rebooted again. This time, Jeff Parker had taken over the writing chore, and he brought back the fun of the original series. Once again featuring Blink, as well as the Beast, Polaris, and other mutants, their first mission was to stop Magneto and break up the Brotherhood of Mutants and the X-Men. Finally, after more than a year of Claremont and his heavy stories, the Exiles were back to being fun, with the reappearance of my favorite character and the strange incarnations of the alternate worlds.

So, imagine my sadness when I finished the fifth issue and discovered that #6 would be the final issue of the series.

I have to say, I blame its short run on Chris Claremont, despite not working on this series. When the first series of Exiles hit the stands, it became a quick hit, even garnering a “Must Read” rating from Wizard Magazine. And although the series waxed and waned during its 100 issue run, the positives outweighed the negatives. Blink and Mimic’s romantic relationship. The addition of a sadistic Magik. Sabretooth from the Age of Apocalypse taking the helm as team leader. Even Hyperion and his mission to control the entirety of the Multi-verse. A Many good stories came from the Exiles. Until Chris Claremont came aboard. They rebooted the series, gave Claremont control and it lost readers. Now, a few months after the final issue of New Exiles, another series is given a shot and it only lasts half a year. Why? Because fans have been soured by Exiles stories. They tried Claremont’s stories, didn’t like them, and are afraid of what’s to come. I can understand where they are coming from. I was hesitant of buying the new series at first, but it was worth it. Unfortunately, not everyone saw things the way I did.

Don’t get me wrong. I think Chris Claremont is a great writer. He had some of the greatest story-arcs in X-Men history. But when he came back to the X-Men in the early 2000’s, it just wasn’t the same. But I do love what he is doing on X-Men: Forever. I think putting Chris back with his hey-day of mutants, in the time period after Magneto “died” on Asteroid M, was a stroke of genius. It’s really working out and I’m happy for it.

But he screwed up the Exiles. There is no other way I can put it. I just hope that Marvel gives the team another shot. I am sure there are plenty of writers who can do it right. If they want more drama in the arcs, they should consider Matt Fraction as the writer. Or maybe even Joss Whedon. Whedon has done wonders with the X-Men, as can be seen from his run on Astonishing X-Men.

But to give up on the Exiles altogether is a shame. I really hope Marvel decides to give it a new chance. Hopefully, with a writer that can make things right.

Story Ideas for the New Marvel/Disney

2009-09-01T09:00:00.001-04:00

The news of Disney buying Marvel has sparked my creativity. Needing to douse this spark, I have written a few pitches for upcoming comics for the new ‘Mar-sney’ entity.

Ariel, The Submariner
An accident causes tons of toxic chemicals to seep into the ocean, killing the sea’s King Triton and his family. His youngest daughter, Ariel, survives the accident, and declares war on the surface dwellers for the needless death of her family. Now, only one team of heroes can stop her violent rampage, the FANTASTIC FUR! Loner scientist Walter Langkowski, and his alter ego the Sasquatch, teams up with Simba, the lion king, John Jameson, the Man-Wolf, and the ever inquisitive detective team of Chip and Dale. Only the combined might, guile, and brilliance of the Fantastic Fur can bring Ariel to justice.
Project artist: Neal Adams

Beauty and the Beast
After her father winds up missing, Belle sets out into the darkness to find him. Long, hard hours of searching the sewer lead her to an underground civilization of mutants. Unhappy at having a human, let alone a beautiful one, find their home, Belle is attacked by the disfigured outcasts, who call themselves ‘Morlocks.’ Minutes from being killed, a lone figure jumps into the fray to save her. Taking her deeper into the tunnel, Henry McCoy nurses her back to life. At first fearful of his bestial appearance and gray fur, Belle withdraws into herself. But as the brutish scientist begins to subject the beauty to inhumane experiments, Belle learns that McCoy’s external appearance is a reflection of what’s inside his heart.
Project artist: Chris Bachalo

White Queen and the Seven X-Babies
The X-Mansion is attacked by a powerful witch, one claiming to be the step-mother of Emma Frost. Emma defends herself, but soon finds that the Witch’s powers are too strong, so she flees into an attempt to save herself. Weeks alone on the run take their toll, and Frost passes out deep in the woods. However, she wakes up in a small cottage inhabited by tiny mutants, who call themselves the X-Babies. Wolvie, Colossus, Stormy, Iceboy, Creepy Crawly, Roguie, and Psychild nurse her back to heath and keep her hidden from the Witch. But the Witch catches up to the White Queen, turning her own powers against her sending her into a deep sleep. But the X-Babies discover that a kiss can wake her. But the kiss must come from one specific person, the White Queen’s true love, Prince Scott.
Project artist: Skottie Young

Tigger/Tigra: A Love Story
Greer Grant has slipped into a deep depression; her friends feel betrayed at her registration with the Fifty States Initiative, her last love interest turned out to be a shape shifting alien, and her powers have been becoming more and more unstable. So she decides to set off into the wilderness to spend some time alone and sort out her thoughts. While ‘vacationing’ in the Hundred Acre Woods, Grant meets an interesting fellow who calls himself ‘Tigger.’ Grant is drawn to his hedonistic lifestyle and free-spirited personality, and decides to pursue him.
Project artist: Mike Mayhew

A Bug’s Life
Bored with his life and disenchanted at the prospects of the future, scientist Henry Pym revisits the past successes of his life. But after trying on and activating his unused Ant-Man uniform, Pym discovers that he cannot revert back to his original size. He seeks out help in any form that he can, when he meets Flik and his colony of ants. Flik promises Pym to help him find someone who can help him back to normal size, if Pym will help the colony fend off an attack by grasshoppers. But the grasshoppers have their own secret weapon, one in the form of rival Ant-Man Eric O’Grady…
Project artist: Steve McNiven

New Warriors
Jubilee has managed to find happiness since her split with the New Warriors. Keeping in regular touch with Jonothan Starsmore and Barnell Bohusk, Jubilee has found a steady job and a nice apartment, and even a boyfriend. But a letter from a mysterious benefactor promises her more if she puts on the suit and becomes Wondra once more. Deciding that she has nothing to lose by hearing the man out, she sets off into the darkness as the tech-powered superhero. A brief skirmish with an unknown figure calling himself ‘GizmoDuck’ leads to a truce, and the identity or the author of the letter, a self-made billionaire named Scrooge McDuck, now bored with his life and wishing to fund a project to better humanity.
Project artist: Sara Pichelli

Naturally, I would be more than happy to flesh these out into full length scripts if asks, but if Mar-sney would like to place their own writers on the project, then I have no qualms with that, provided I am compensated for the idea. I have also provided artists that I feel would mesh well with the project, but I am open to suggestions from Mar-sney’s art directors.

Disney to Buy Marvel

2009-08-31T10:50:00.006-04:00

This… is unsettling news indeed.

While, without a doubt, this partnership has its benefits, it could have its downsides none-the-less.

One of the benefits is the immense amount of money Disney has that it can through behind Marvel projects. Imagine the budget on Marvel’s upcoming movies? Or the animation quality behind their films and series? These things can’t be denied; with Disney in their corner, Marvel’s movie and cartoon quality will increase tenfold.

Or imagine walking around Disneyland and getting tapped on the shoulder by Spider-Man? Or taking a photo with Wolverine and Cyclops? Or riding Captain America’s Wild Ride? This partnership would do wonders for the visibility of Marvel characters, introducing them to millions of children and their parents every year.

But, for every positive to this deal, there are about a hundred downsides. Yes, Disney can provide Marvel with top-notch animation services. But will they step in and censor what they feel isn’t family-friendly enough? We have all seen how Disney has bastardized the tales of Grimm and Hans Christian Andersen, which were dark, sordid stories to begin with. Will Disney do this with Marvel? While, for the most part, Marvel films and cartoons are fairly tame, but there have been exceptions to the rule. Hulk vs., for instance, has quite a bit of over-the-top violence. And the Punisher films have been bloody and grotesque over the years. I’m worried that Disney would step in and say, “Nope, can’t do this” and destroy the loyalty to the characters.

But let’s not forget the services Marvel can offer Disney. Top notch comic writers and artists can go a long way to a company that has made comic books based on its characters. Will Marvel have to start publishing comics based on Mickey Mouse and Uncle Scrooge? Or will Disney continue to publish these stories, with Marvel’s army of writers and artists in tow? Will doing these stories keep these artists and writers from contributing to the Marvel stories, bringing down their quality? I would hate to see Marvel’s characters suffer because of a business relationship between two companies.

My opinion of this situation is that Disney wants to answer the partnership that its rival, Warner Brothers, has. Warner Brothers has owned Marvel rival, DC Comics, for years, and things have worked out pretty well on that end. Movies based on DC properties have, for the most part been well made. Appearances at theme parks are fantastic money makers, as evidenced by Six Flags and their numerous roller coasters and rides by DC Comics characters. And it doesn’t seem that the quality of DC Comics suffers due to creators being on projects about Bugs Bunny or Daffy Duck.

But this relationship hasn’t always been the strongest partnership creatively. For instance, with DC being owned by Warner Brothers, a big-time movie studio, then Warner Brothers would, naturally, make all movies based on DC characters. Makes sense, right? But what if Warner Brothers decides to put all DC based films on hold, like they did in January of 2009? What happens then? With the success of Iron Man and The Incredible Hulk in 2008, you would think DC would be frothing at the mouth to create a movie based on the Flash or Green Lantern, instead of bleeding Batman dry. But they haven’t been given that chance, because of parent company Warner Brothers. However, were they a separate entity, DC would be able to shop the franchise around. By taking their property to Sony or 20th Century Fox, DC’s other characters would have a chance.

I would hate to see Marvel suffer the same fate. For some time, Marvel had a good thing going for them. Since the turn of the century, their movies had all become big-budget, blockbuster successes. Their animation team is at their strongest, with Wolverine and the X-Men and their direct to DVD films they release every so often. Despite the financial woes Marvel suffered during the 1990’s, with being on the verge of bankruptcy, fending off the likes of Carl Ichan and his desire to sell the company piece by piece, and finally being bailed out by ToyBiz, a company that made action figures based on the Marvel franchise, Marvel has managed to pull ahead and become a heavy hitter in the industry, all but burying amateur upstart Image Comics.

This buyout decision is clearly not a financial one. Marvel is stable enough where it doesn’t need a backer to keep them above water. The decision to purchase Marvel rests purely on Disney’s shoulders. And I keep going back to the one reason I stated before. And I’m afraid of it. Disney wants a partnership like Warner Brothers. I can’t say for certain that I don’t like this news. But I can say I’m extremely hesitant of the future of Marvel. I will have to wait and see what happens, but my fingers will be crossed.

War Is Heck: A Serial Drama, Or Something

2009-08-28T16:06:00.004-04:00

As I was going through some old files on my computer the other day I came across this little comic strip I made a few years back. It was instigated by the discovery of these creepy military action figures I found in a dollar store. I thought that these figures were so weird looking that something good had to come from them. So I gathered up one of each and decided to do a little photography comic, a la Twisted Toyfare Theater.

Now I’ll be the first one to admit these action figures are really shitty. The arms and legs barely move, and when they do they look just plain awkward. The black guys are just repainted white guys, so every soldier literally has a “brother from another mother.” But the way they look, with the expressions on their faces, just struck me as something humorous. I had an idea, maybe not a good idea, but it was an idea.

I’ve dabbled in creating comics in the past. My year long stint of Clit and Pecker proved mostly fruitless. I loved the premise behind CnP, but lacked the time and energy to keep up with it. Not to mention the added expense of servers and promotion and what not. I am currently in the process of moving CnP to a blog here on Blogger, and I have a never before seen strip waiting in the wings for when that is completed. I do plan on updating, but not with regularity. My biggest hurdle is inspiration. And when I try to force inspiration, I get stuck. When I try to rush things, it comes out like shit. I don’t want that for my creation, so I decided to back off and let it happen whenever it does.

This is the approach I will take with my photo-comic. I currently have three strips in the bag, and I will pull those out when I am ready. But now I’m in some planning stages. I just bought one of those marble notebooks, and I glued photos of each of the figures on separate pages. Now comes the brainstorming of each character as well as background write ups. When that’s complete, I work on scripting individual storylines. After that step, I’ll move into production.
I never took those steps with CnP. That, I think, was the problem. I wanted to update twice a week. But without a path to go down, I always had to come up with new strips on the fly. And, I’ll admit, they sucked. Once I get this new strip planned, I’ll work this magic on CnP, and hopefully get that to a better place.

Like I said, I never wanted it to evaporate the way it did. But I will fix that. And when I do, things will be better. But right now I want to work on this project and see if I can make anything of it. I’m sure I can, but whether it will find an audience is a different story.

If you enjoyed this, leave a comment and let me know. Encouraging words are always welcome.

Mary Jane: A Story of Teenage Angst and Superheroes

2009-08-21T11:39:00.003-04:00

I recently finished reading Mary Jane by Judith O’Brien, and I have to say it was pretty good. Now, before you start wondering if I’m really a 13 year old girl who is pretending to be a grown man, allow me to argue my point. (And in my defense, it was on my bookshelf for quite awhile, after my girlfriend bought it at Midtown Comics in Manhattan two years ago.)

The novel tells the story of a young Mary Jane, and the troubles she goes through. Her father walks out on her and her mother, leaving them to fend for themselves. Because of a lack of a steady income, Mary Jane and her mother have to move from apartment to apartment, and Mary Jane from school to school. She leaves her beloved Bradford Academy and all of her friends, including a gangly, awkward kid who partnered with her on the science fair, a kid named Peter Parker. Seeing Peter’s family life, and his interaction with his parents, makes her yearn for a normal home life. That is, until the day Peter’s parents are killed in a plane crash, and his aunt and uncle move in to raise him. They cannot afford to send him to Bradford anymore, and place Peter in public school, separating him from Mary Jane.

Years go by, and due to the Watson’s transient lifestyle, Mary Jane ends up attending the same school as her childhood friend. They begin to get to know each other again, but Peter is still the weird kid, picked on by everyone else, and MJ is warned that being friends with Peter can ruin her reputation. She heeds this advice, but soon Peter starts to change, and she, and all of the girls in the school, begin to see Peter less of a nerd and more of a sexual God.

Mary Jane deals with a lot of issues that a normal teenager deals with, such as being accepted by her peers and dealing with her own self-image. But, she also is introduced to some topics that are a little more abnormal, like her friend’s father giving the entire class a sports drink laced with a highly addictive performance enhancer.

Though Mary Jane was written for younger audiences, it really captures the essence of how it is like to be a teenager. The anxiety of being a teenager is almost tangible, especially when Mary Jane starts dealing with her weight issues and takes drastic measures to improve her self. Her diary entries are realistic, as well as her inner monologue. The dialogue is a little cheesy in the way the teenagers speak to each other, but in many cases, that was intentional. In others, well, I didn’t think teenagers actually spoke like that.

I also have to commend O’Brien on the way she handled the appearance of Spider-Man, one of the driving forces in Mary Jane’s life. In every other incantation of Spider-Man, we get the story from peter Parker’s perspective. But since this is Mary Jane’s story, we get to look at it a different way. When Spider-Man hits the scene, taking on the Demon Knife Master for a prize of $1,000 a minute at the Wrestle Cage Rage match, we watch as Mary Jane recognizes a few acrobatic moves she herself taught Peter Parker, and begins to wonder if it can be possible. When Spider-Man saves her from being hit by a car, she examines the sound of his voice, wondering again, and even outright asking, if Peter Parker is Spider-Man. And the way she is kept in the dark, when she discovers that the two cannot be the same person, is believable, a simple cover but plausible nonetheless.

My one gripe, however, is the show-and-tell Peter gives Mary Jane when he discovers that he has changed. The day after getting bitten by the radioactive spider (though they don’t make it clear it the spider was in fact radioactive) Peter shows off his new abilities to the entire school, literally running circles around the previously more athletic kids. Later that day, he tells Mary Jane about how he doesn’t need his thick glasses anymore, he begins showing her his new muscles, and she starts touching her abs and biceps. Though this idea of showing off to his peers is a true teenage attribute, I was a little disappointed in it. The Spider-Man that I know knew that this new powers would make him an almost instant celebrity in his school, but he decides to keep it a secret anyway. With great power comes great responsibility, right? And flaunting that power is not responsible. So to see Peter Parker act in so flippant a manner was slightly irritating, but I managed to get over it.

One other aspect in the novel is the illustrations. No Marvel book would be complete without a few pictures. Mary Jane isn’t overdone with pictures, but what it has are amazing. Done by the great Mike Mayhew, the illustrations manage to capture the essence of the novel’s young stars, and place them in their everyday situations. Peter being ostracized by his peers, Mary Jane studying her body, and Peter and Mary Jane sharing an intimate moment are all snapshots that Mayhew gives the reader. And the emotion on their faces is so precise that you can almost understand the story completely without reading a single word.

Though it may be strange for a guy like me to read a book aimed at teenage girls, I am proud to say that I did. Being the fan of Spider-Man that I am, and with Mary Jane being such an important part of the Spider-Man myth, I felt that it was important for me to read this novel, so that I can see another author’s take on both characters. I would recommend it to anyone who enjoys Spider-Man like I do. It is a short novel, only about 200 pages, and a quick read. But it is worth it to the true fans for a new take on the story they know so well.

And now that I am done with the first novel, I will be moving onto the second very shortly.

Spider-Woman: Agent of SWORD

2009-08-19T19:54:00.003-04:00

Today, Marvel released its first Motion Comic on iTunes. Written by Brian Michael Bendis and illustrated by Alex Maleev, “Spider-Woman: Agent of SWORD” is an intelligent, harsh look at the life of Jessica Drew after her ordeal with SHIELD, Hydra, and the Skrulls.

There has been a lot of talk about this Motion Comic for a few weeks now, since the trailer debut on the internet. Reactions to it have been greatly positive. The reactions are correct. Bendis does a great job with the writing. The story is well written in its noir style detective story. Internal thoughts give us most of the storyline as Jessica Drew tries to come to terms with the way her life turned out.

The art, courtesy of Alex Maleev, is simply gorgeous. His grim and gritty style blends well with the story-telling, and helps to make the viewer feel just what Jessica is going through. Another point I have to tip my hat to is the animation. Done by a company called Motherland, the movement is very fluid and well directed. I have seen a few animated comic book stories before, but nothing like this. Most of it works like a cut-and-paste style of animation, with each piece drawn by Maleev. But it’s done so well, with added touches like the raindrops on the city street that I almost got lost in it. There were quite a few times that I have to rewind the timeline because I was so engrossed in the art that I missed a line of dialogue.

Is the comic worth the purchase? Yes. For 99 cents, you get 10 minutes and 47 seconds worth of entertainment. The amount of story, the art, the animation; all of it is worth the price. In fact, I kinda feel like I’m ripping Marvel off.

Needless to say, I’m excited about future installments of the comic. I’m looking forward to see what other characters will get a motion treatment. Seeing Abigail Brand, the Director of SWORD, was a bit of a surprise (though I’ll admit, I should have expected it). Will Bendis write the Avengers into the story? Captain America? Wolverine? I really hope this new format takes off, and Marvel decides to create more Motion Comics. I, for one, would love to see a Cloak and Dagger comic in this style. Especially one written by Bendis. If he can make Spider-Woman this interesting, I’d love to see his take on Cloak and Dagger.

A Terrible Excuse for News Reporting

2009-08-19T12:00:00.003-04:00

So the good folks at Probably Bad News posted this little news clip that aired on WJW Fox 8 in Cleveland. At first, it seems like an honest to goodness story about black bears in the woods near a residential home. But this it just gets, well, really fucking stupid. I don't want to give anything away; you're just going to have to see what I mean.

Why do people do that to themselves? This is the kind of thing that gets on the news in Cleveland? Maybe I'm just spoiled, having lived in New Jersey all my life, where news actually happens.

A Trifecta of Spider-Man News

2009-08-18T11:10:00.004-04:00

So recently Sam Raimi starting to hint at the villain in Spider-Man 4. In fact, the script hasn’t even been completed for very long, after being rewritten twice. However, Sony just signed a writer for the scripts of parts 5 and 6 of the series.

James Vanderbilt, who wrote the scripts for Darkness Falls and Zodiac, and also wrote the script for Spider-Man 4 before it was rewritten by David Lindsay-Abarie, has been signed to penned the fifth and sixth films. Sony is plowing forward and getting things ready to complete the second triology, despite the fact that Same Raimi, Tobey Maguire, or Kirsten Dunst are not signed on to shoot anything past the fourth film. But Sony wants to be prepared for that situation. Or, if the trio decided not to do any further films, Sony will use the scripts as a template to reboot the series. Why they would need a reboot so early in the films history is unnkown at this point, but hopefully that don’t make any bad decisions.

I just hope the original crew signs on to complete the second trilogy.

The New York Post has reported that the Broadway envisioning of the webslinger, ‘Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark,” has hit quite a few roadblocks on its path to production.

Apparently, the show’s cash flow has run out, due to the over-the-top production by director Julie Taymor. The director has some high vision for the show; however, high vision on Broadway tends to cost big bucks. And unfortunately, the show’s producer, David Garfinkle, doesn’t have the stones to reign her in and keep her in check. Now, due to that vision, there is little money left for the rest of the show, including the remodeling of the Hilton Theater. The Hilton has been completely gutted for reconstruction just for the show. But now, it’s just an empty shell waiting to be filled.

It’s been reported that the show would have a weekly running cost of $900,000, which is an astounding figure for a Broadway show. Experts say that it would take the entirety of the theater, which is approximately 1,700 seats, to sell out completely for 5 years in order for the show to break even. Not even in New York…

About the only people who would benefit from the show, whether it opens or not, would be Bono and the Edge, of U2 fame, who were tapped to write the score to the show. Worse comes to worst, they at least have a few completed songs that they can release as singles, on their next CD, or just as B-Sides. I’m sure they can figure something out.

I’m not a fan of Broadway, but I have to admit I was excited about “Turn Off The Dark.” I love how Spider-Man gets the big audience recognition that he has been getting lately, and having his webbed face plastered all over Broadway would certainly bring him even more recognition. I may not have gone to see the show very often, but I would certainly have gotten a ticket. Maybe even have bought a t-shirt. Hopefully Sony and Marvel decide to find a new director or producer and save the production.

And in happier news, Spider-Man is making his return to the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. Spidey made his first appearance in the parade in 1987, and ran every year through 1998. Now, after a decade, he’s back with a newly redesigned balloon. He will still be in the classic crawling pose, but he has been beefed up, with a much more muscular physique.

The bad news is that Spider-Man is only expected to be in the parade through 2011. Why only three years? I don’t know, but hopefully with the release of Spider-Man 4 as well as “Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark,” Macy’s will decide to keep him in the parade much longer. Spider-Man is an icon, and as much a part of New York City as the Empire State Building and King Kong. So to take him out of a New York parade is a slap in the face. New York has already been slapped once. Macy’s better not be getting ready to hit for a second time.

Siegel Family Awarded Some Rights Of Superman

2009-08-14T21:55:00.001-04:00

In April of 1938, Action Comics #1 hit the news stand. Its pages told a story of an alien child coming to Earth and raised by a couple of all-American farmers, discovering that he had abilities far beyond those of normal men. He had immense strength, was bullet-proof, and couple leap extreme distances. This amazing character, created by Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster, became one of the most recognizable characters, bearing the name Superman.

But Siegel and Shuster would not garner the same amount of fame as their character for another almost half century. It had appeared that when National Periodical Publications, which later became DC Comics, agreed to run the story, they would assume the credit for the character. This “agreement” would be the starting point for a number of legal battles throughout the year.

On August 13, 2009, a judge awarded the estate of Jerry Siegel control over many aspects of the Superman character, such as his origins of landing on Earth, his Kryptonian heritage and name, and a few of his abilities. The judgment is basically a legal slap in the face to DC Comics, who had fully control over the character and all of his traits. But now, there are some aspects of Superman that they cannot use without authorization from the Siegel family.

I, for one, am happy that Jerry Siegel’s family now has control over the Superman character. He was a hard working individual who had his creation taken from him, in a time when he, more than likely, had no idea what he was doing. Jerry Siegel was 23 years old when Action Comics ran his story. He wasn’t a skilled negotiator, or a shrewd business man. He was a poor Jewish kid who grew up in Ohio, and was just excited to see his character, who had gone through a few revisions to become what he did, printed in a national magazine. I’m sure he never expected Superman to become as big as it did, otherwise he may have asked for a little more from National Periodical Publications.

But he didn’t. And since 1938, Jerry Siegel didn’t make much money off of Superman. Nineteen Forty six brought about the first of many lawsuits over Superman. First, Siegel and Shuster sued National for the rights to Superman, after nearly 10 years of writing for the magazine. Siegel sued again in 1967, after returning to DC to write Superman again, but was summarily dismissed in his case, and also his job. In 1975, Siegel initiated a protest against Warner Communication and DC Comics, bringing to light the abuse of both him and Shuster over the years. To placate the duo, Warner agreed to pay them $20,000 a year each, for the rest of their lives and to credit them for the creation of Superman.

There have also been other lawsuits, concerning copyright termination as well as the character of Superboy. But despite the agreement in 1975, neither Siegel or Shuster have been awarded as large of a stake in Superman as they have recently. While the most recent ruling only gives the Siegel estate control over some aspects of the character, an article on Variety.com states that Shuster’s estate will receive the same awarding in 2013.

This ruling could be astronomically devastating to Warner Brothers and DC Comics. Not only will it be interesting to see how they handle the character of Superman in the future, since most of his origin is out of their control, but whether or not they will return to court to fight it. I feel that they should bite the bullet and pay the Siegel and Shuster estates for the right to use the information they lost, but I doubt that will happen.

Anyway, I wish the best to Siegel’s family. They have fought long and hard to get what they received yesterday, and they deserve it. For many years, Jerry Siegel struggled financially, so it’s good that wrong has been righted.

But this just proves that Jerry Siegel was a visionary. When he described Superman as fighting for “truth, justice, and the American Way,” he had no idea that the “American Way” of the future would be so sue-happy. Talk about irony.

Green Lantern: First Flight

2009-08-12T11:53:00.008-04:00

DC has always had a superb animation team. It must be one of the perks that comes with being owned by the company who created Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck. Look at some of the cartoons DC has had in the past: Batman: The Animated Series, Teen Titans, and Justice League Unlimited, just to name a few. So now that DC has moved into full-length, direct-to-DVD films, they are trying to maintain their quality of animation. And it’s working.

Their newest offering is Green Lantern: First Flight. The plot of the film tells the story of how Hal Jordan became the Green Lantern and how he had to prove himself within the ranks of the Green Lantern Corps. He goes head-to-head with his arch-enemy, Sinestro, and proves to the Guardians and the rest of the Corps that he is worthy to wear the ring. The movie is full of action, with lots of violence and murder. In short, it’s fun to watch, and not expected from one of the Big Two in comics. With all of the new animated movies coming out, it’s plain to see that both Marvel and DC are pushing the envelope a little bit harder these days. This is, of course, a welcome change to the days when the Comics Code required everything be watered down and kiddie-like.

The story is well-written, concentrating on Hal Jordan and Sinestro. But it lacks something in the long-run. We see how much of a badass Hal Jordan is but, since the film starts with him receiving the ring, we never really find out why. The audience is left to assume that his will is much more powerful than his enemy’s, an idea that is illustrated throughout the movie, but there is never any explanation to support this theory. The writers also managed to create a nice balance between action and comedy. There have been too many movies that have disappointed because the filmmakers didn’t know when to stop with the shitty tongue-in-cheek jokes. Thankfully, the writers of Green Lantern know what would be funny, and when, and leave it at that.

The animation itself is very well done. Blending traditional 2-D animation with 3-D animation, the film has a nice depth to it that not many animated movies have been able to pull off. The 3-D aspects are not overdone, so they don’t inundate the audience. They are also smoothly blended, so the times they are used are not blaringly obvious. However, there are times when the transition is not perfect, and the 3-D sticks out like a sore thumb. But these moments are few and far between, so it does not detract from the viewing experience too much.

Another great aspect of the movie is the voice acting. Christopher Meloni (Law & Order: Special Victims Unit) isn’t the kind of actor you would expect to voice the main character in a comic book movie, but he is perfect for the role. Ten years in the role as a hardened police detective was enough of a pre-cursor to become one of the most beloved wielders of the Green Lantern ring. Victor Garber plays Sinestro to perfection. His cold inflection and almost poetic enunciation makes the viewer feel the contempt that Sinestro has for the Green Lantern Corps. Garber brings so much power to the role. Tricia Helfer, Michael Madsen, and John Larroquette round out the big-name voices in the movie, and though they don’t really add anything recognizable to the film, at least their performances don’t detract from it.

I’m not one to watch the special features on most of my DVD’s, but I made an exception on the Green Lantern. One of the reasons why is the behind the scenes featurette on the upcoming movie of Superman/Batman: Public Enemies.

They don’t give much information on where the film stands now. Though the visuals of the feature concentrate on the comic book version of Public Enemies, I was happy to see as much animation as they showed. There will be a shitload of characters in the movie, both heroes and villains, and they talk about one huge fight scene that starts big and ends bigger. I have never read the comic story, but after learning that it was written by Jeph Loeb, then I am lead to believe that it is good. And if the animation team can keep up with their most recent films, then this one will not disappoint. DC also made the right choice in casting the original voice actors for the stars of Public Enemies. Tim Daly as Superman. Clancy Brown as Lex Luthor. And Kevin Conroy as Batman. These voices are so ingrained in my mind and so connected with these characters that I get offended when I hear another voice coming from their mouths. With how much I liked The Brave and the Bold and Deidrich Bader, I cringed every time Batman spoke in that show. Kevin Conroy is the epitome of Batman, and I’m so happy that they brought him back for Public Enemies. Not to mention the other actors that they secured. Allison Mack, from Smallville will play Power Girl. Xander Berkeley, from 24, is Captain Atom. LeVar Burton is Black Lightning. Even if you watched this movie with your eyes closed, it will still be amazing.

There is also a nice feature about DC’s newest event, Blackest Night. I’m glad that someone, like me, who is not entirely familiar with the DC heroes, is able to get a background on what the hell is going on. I picked up the first issue of Blackest Night and was completely lost when I read it. Now, I can kind of understand what is happening, and should be at least able to follow it when I go through the rest of the issues.

Even if you have no intentions of purchasing Green Lantern: First Flight, you should at least rent it. This is a film for anyone who likes the Green Lantern. It’s for anyone who likes super hero movies. At first glance, it would seem that this is another animated movies aimed at kids. But the depth of story works for fans of all ages. Hell, even the special features themselves are worth the three bucks to rent it from Blockbuster.

American Son Conclusion and Amazing Spider-Man #600

2009-07-25T19:40:00.004-04:00

A few weeks back I did a write up about how amazing the first four issues of the American Son storyline in Amazing Spider-Man was. I just picked up the final issue and the conclusion is everything it was led up to.

Without giving away too many spoilers (be careful from here on in) the final chapter is a knock-down, drag-out battle between the Osborns. Harry finally proves to Norman that he is exactly opposite of what Norman thought of him. Norman assumed his son to be weak, powerless, and a failure of a son. In American Son, however, Harry shoves Norman’s words up his ass. Harry uses his new-found power to beat his father into submission, only stopping when Spider-Man convinces him to kill his father. Harry takes the moral high ground by ignoring Spider-Man’s prodding, and instead casts off all relation to his father, and his heritage.

This was the blow up that has been coming for some time. Having seen Harry in the past, the reader knows that he is anything but weak. His time as the Green Goblin has proved that. But even in recent issues, as Harry has been leading a normal life, it can be seen that he is a strong person. His desire to make his own way in life and not live in his father’s shadow, for instance. Even though Norman sees this as weakness, it isn’t. It’s easy to live off the purse-strings of a parent, especially when that parent is as wealthy as Norman Osborn. But to strike off on your own and earn your way through life, as opposed to having it handed to you on a platter, is a strength that is unparalleled. Being a murderous, blood-thirsty villain is not the epitome of strength, as Norman believes.

The issue ends on a high note, in my opinion. By the end of the team-up with Spider-Man, Harry has the opportunity to discover Spider-Man’s true identity. But he does not use his chance to learn the secret that could help him in his quest to destroy him. Instead, he respects Spider-Man’s privacy and allows him to leave with his secret intact. Though this does not mean the hatchet is buried between the two, but it is a step closer to allowing Harry to forgive Spider-Man for his perceived transgressions. Perhaps, the Spider-Office has a plan to have Peter reveal his identity to his best friend, or maybe something will happen that will reignite the ire that Harry holds for the webslinger. Either way, I’m sure the creative team at Marvel will make one hell of a story out of it.

All in all, American Son is the story I have been waiting for since Brand New Day. I have been feeling like the reboot of the Spider-Man title was a bit of a cop out. The stories that followed have been less that spectacular, just reasons to create new villains for Spider-Man to face. And some of these new villains were more than a little irritating (I’m still annoyed at the whole Anti-Venom thing.) So to see a classic bad-guy like Norman Osborn rear his head again was a refreshing change of pace. Seeing Spider-Man’s mental aguish at himself for not killing Norman all those years ago is the type of story-telling that only Marvel can do. And to have him even consider the option, like he does at the end of American Son shows the set of balls that Marvel has, since Spider-Man has always been that character who will not resort to murder.

Speaking of classic villains, Amazing Spider-Man #600 hit stores this past Wednesday. With the hype that was built up around it from the folks at Marvel, it was an issue that I couldn’t wait to pick up. To celebrate the milestone, Marvel gives its fans one hundred and four pages of all new material, with no advertisements. This is the kind of thing that doesn’t happen very often in the comics industry. Not very many comic books have made it to the 600 mark, so Marvel celebrated it with style.

The main story featured the return of Doctor Octopus, with a few new changes. Doc Ock takes it upon himself to imprint his brainwaves into every machine in New York City, but his subconscious is bent on destroying Spider-Man for thwarting his plans all of these years. The city turns on Spider-Man man, forcing the wall-crawler to enlist the help of his super-powered friends, such as the New Avengers and the Fantastic Four.

Oh, and all of this happens just as Aunt May is about to marry J. Jonah Jameson Sr.

Though the main story was good, it just paled in comparison to the follow up stories. The first was a humerous look at all of the strange transformations of Spider-Man through the years, written by the creator of the Marvel comics himself, Stan Lee. The story features Spidey as his multi-armed self, in the black alien costume, as Spider-Hulk, as well as others, as he confesses his problems to a psychiatrist. Fast-paced and funny, it’s everything you would expect from Stan Lee. And Marcos Martin’s art puts a beautiful touch to the story.

I won’t go through every back-up story in the issue, but there are two others that stick out in my mind. The first was a touching admission of failure, which doesn’t feature Spider-Man in a single page. It’s about Uncle Ben and his relationship with a young Peter. It talks about how he came to be Peter’s guardian and the steps he took to raise the young boy. The story is very sentimental, but in a good way. Readers rarely get the chance to see the past from Uncle Ben’s point of view, so to do so, and see the early stages of Peter’s and Ben’s relationship is both interesting and a thankful change of pace.

The last story also does not feature Spider-Man, but instead sets the stage for the next year of storytelling in Amazing Spider-Man. Written by Joe Kelley, who also wrote American Son, the final story features Madame Web, who has some disturbing visions of the future. It is so short that anything more I say will just ruin it, so let me just say that it’s a great ploy by Marvel to whet the appetites of their fans.

I totally cannot see what 2010 has in store for The Amazing Spider-Man.

The Colony

2009-07-22T21:40:00.004-04:00

I just gained a little respect for reality television.

Last night saw the premiere of “The Colony” on the Discovery Channel. I hadn’t heard about this show prior to seeing a commercial for it during “Deadliest Catch,” but I was quickly intrigued. The premise behind the show is in a post-apocalyptic world, 10 survivors have to make due for 10 weeks, foraging for whatever they can and living with no amenities besides what their skills can supply them.

The show’s contestants were isolated for 30 hours with no sleep and little nourishment and sent out to find food for themselves before searching out shelter. They wind up in a 50,000 square foot warehouse, which they will call home for the next two and a half months. They have to scour for food and water and whatever tools they can find. But, in addition to that, they have to fend off the aggression of a biker gang who are looking to take what they have.

The amount of detail put into the show by the producers is astounding. The desolation that is Los Angeles is something out of a movie, and it feels real. It’s so real that it seems almost as if you are watching news footage after a cataclysmic event. Discovery called on the help from experts in Homeland Security, psychology, and engineering to design a world that looks and feels like a truly destroyed world. So much has been put into the show that it is less “Reality TV” and more “Social Experiment.” How will normal people who are used to free-flowing electricity, running water, and a Piggly Wiggly every few blocks fare in a world where none of that exists? It becomes an interesting case study into the human psyche.

The people that they chose are from all walks of life; doctor, engineer, general contractor, martial arts expert. You can tell that they were each chosen for the knowledge that they have, in hopes that they can bring something to the table to help the team survive. This is where I’m a little skeptic of the show. Everyone has a necessary skill that it seems like they can’t fail. I feel that they should have picked at least one “average Joe” guy, or girl, with no discernible expertise. The social experiment would fly with someone like that, seeing how that person would contribute anything, showing how far the human spirit would go to survive. Throughout the show, these experts chime in on what the group is doing and why they are reacting as they are. It gives some insight into who we are as a species and how quickly survival instincts resurface after years of dormancy.

Although, I can foresee some bad things happening later in the show. Out of the 10 survivors, only 6 of them were allowed into the colony at the beginning. A day later, the remaining four were sent out to find shelter. The problem was, both parties had been ignorant of the other. When the second group got to the Colony, they were met with hostility by the first group, who greeting them with metal pipes and suspicion. Even when the biker gang stole their food in the beginning, I don’t know how they were able to retrain themselves from causing harm to the thieves. Though they state that everything feels so real that their perceptions are beginning to blur, there is clearly a distinct line between reality and fantasy. So far, none of them have crossed that line, but it would be interesting to see someone do so.

I’ve never been a huge fan of shows on the Discovery Channel, but I think “The Colony” has changed that. For once, a show manages to put together a good principle and ties it together with deep, psychological study. With the way the world is now, many people would believe that a catastrophe is looming, and life in “The Colony” will soon be more science than fiction. If that’s true, then I’ll continue to tune in just so I have some pointers when the end of the modern world does come. I’ll be ready, assuming, at least, that I survive the first wave of destruction.